Day three April 6, 2009:

This morning at 5am I awoke to the words of a woman gesturing a butcher knife as she spoke. She told us we were sleeping in a cafeterina. Like all the other workers the night before, she told us we shouldn't be there and how much of a burden we were to her. Then she told us we should be grateful.

My mom and grandmother are afraid that something will happen to me in the streets. And it is in the "shelter" where I ought to be safe that I'm confronted with a knife and told what to do. This all triggered my childhood memories of abuse and yelling at night. Trained in helping people heal from post traumatic stress disorder I have a release for these feelings, and I wanted to fight for others who don't have the same resources.

Women's shelters tend to be places where women with bruised and broken histories come to rest. But in a space where the staff communicates only by yelling with rules that are ever changing, how can anyone rest. Let alone the fact that the tv and lights are left on. Or that male staff members come through the space, only bother yelling "man on the floor" if you meet their eyes as they state at the women.

My body and got yearn to create a true sanctuary, where peoples bodies are honored, their traumas are healed and their stomachs and Spirit's are fed. Perhaps this is a much greater longing for peace my fully expressed as shalom.

Today I pray for and remember the saints who have put their bodies on the line so their children won't get beaten, for the anger management classes that seek to calm storms and for those who enforce restraining orders. And for those who are so desperately alone (which may be a space that lives deep within all of us), I pray for connection. May the mother earth hold us and keep us anchored. May father time be gracious moving us on. Thanks for heartbeats, the ever present miricle.

What is the thing you have, that the world needs? Would you share it, if I asked?

Also, please donate socks (white with athletic gray), two days in my current pair and my feet have started to sting. I hope to find some tommow if I can.