Homeless Retreat

In the News: Bay Area Reporter

2011-05-18T22:35:00.001-07:00

'Encampment' brings attention to homeless LGBT youth

NEWS

Published 05/19/2011

by Matt Baume



	Homeless youth and their allies staged a "street sweep" in the Castro last Saturday to bring attention to budget cuts for social service programs. Photo: Matt Baume

The May 14 encampment was part of a nationwide demonstration to raise awareness of homelessness among a demographic known as transition-age youth. Homeless and foster youth between 16 and 24 years old can face unique housing challenges, particularly as they age out of the foster care system and learn to navigate services for adults.

"We're here to engage the community on homelessness, and specifically queer homeless youth issues," said organizer Beck, who uses only one name. "We're in kind of a state of emergency, saying, 'hey community, wake up.'"

Saturday's action started at Civic Center with games, an unveiling of protest banners, and hot meals served by Food Not Bombs. A march proceeded to Harvey Milk Plaza, where speakers read poetry and called for improved access to services to get off the street.

Their requests included housing with kitchens, rather than single room occupancy hotels with no facilities for food preparation; employment opportunities for youth who are unable to complete school; and an end to the sit-lie ordinance.

According to local organizers Trans Youth Rise Above, there are 5,700 homeless youth in San Francisco, of which at least 1,000 are queer.

Operation Shine America, which coordinated similar rallies in other cities, estimates that there are 2 million homeless youth in the country. Queers for Economic Equality Now also organized the San Francisco event.

Beck explained that organizations like the Lavender Youth Recreation and Information Center and Larkin Street Youth Services' Castro Youth Housing Initiative have faced repeated budget cuts, reducing services that can prevent youth from living on the street.

Jodi Schwartz, executive director of LYRIC, agreed that times are tight. "There has been a sizable decrease in investments in LGBTQ youth services," she told the Bay Area Reporter. "Just for LYRIC, if we were to lose the last piece of dollars for transition-age youth workforce, our decrease in funding would be 72 percent over the last four years."

Larkin Street Executive Director Sherilyn Adams told the B.A.R. that the extent of cuts won't be known until Mayor Ed Lee releases a budget later this month.

"There's no proposed cuts to the Castro Youth program," she said, but added, "it does not begin to meet the need."

To address the potential consequences of such cuts, Lee recently convened a stakeholder group consisting of representatives from organizations that advocate for homeless youth. Based on feedback from that group, the mayor asked that the Department of Children, Youth, and Their Families prioritize funding for LGBT and undocumented youth.

While organizations hope to turn around the recent budget cuts, local organizers are seeking ways to demonstrate how the city's rate of youth homelessness could worsen.

After Saturday's protest concluded, about three dozen homeless youth spent parts of the night camped out around the Muni station, according to organizer the Reverend Megan Rohrer, director of the Welcome Ministry, a coalition of 12 churches that seek to provide a faithful response to poverty.

Rohrer is currently working with the GLBT Historical Society to raise visibility by drawing inspiration from past struggles. She incorporated a "street sweep" into Saturday's protest, in which participants swept Castro Street sidewalks with brooms to evoke a similar 1960s-era protest.

In that action, LGBTs protested the city's negligent sanitation and police roundups by pushing brooms through the Tenderloin.

Chosing Not to Sleep on the Streets

2011-05-15T15:39:00.000-07:00

I made a decision last night to not sleep on the street as planned. At first I was ashamed of my decision. The Rev. Megan Rohrer told those who gathered there that sleeping on the streets that night would not make you a better person but if you went home, just remember you could not do it even one night, when all these youth don't have that choice (paraphrasing there to get the gist!) She was right, it would not have made me a better person, but knowing myself well enough, it would have made more smug. I would have been more critical of colleagues who didn't even show up at all. She was right, I could not, of my own free will, choose to sleep out after all.

But I do know a little something of what it is like to no longer have the choice. I did spend one week of my life homeless, but unlike these youth, it was thru my own stubbornness, my own stupidity. Every day I saw where people had found my clothes and possessions that I tried to hide, since I couldn't carry them all, having been ransacked and little by little I lost them all but for the one small bag I carried with me. I did not have to sleep on hard streets, like most of the youth and other homeless folks do here in the city, I had park, I would crawl into the underbrush and cover myself with leaves so no one would see me. However, I did only have to do this for a week. And I did move on from there. But that experience stuck with me and is why I work with SF Night Ministry and it was why I joined the rally and march last night.

But I still chose not to sleep on the street.

One of the things I have learned in ministry is that it is tough to find out you have limits. There are just certain lines you come to and cannot cross at that moment. Sometimes all you can do is bear silent witness to others suffering, pain, anger etc. and even there, you still reach your limit. I heard things last night that I did not agree with, things I did not want to hear, things I needed to hear. And sometimes I could not hear a thing as I began to wrestle with what it all really meant, what was I supposed to do, how was I supposed to witness?

I chose to stay as long as the speeches, then I chose to go home. My limit, that line last night was that I could not sleep on the street.

Will I go to another rally like this? You bet I will! And another, and another and another, for as long as I am able. And who knows, maybe next time, or the next time or the time after that, I may cross that line and choose to sleep on the street! or Maybe that will never happen. We will see.

-Bishop Rusty Clyma

Final Thoughts Before Showering

2010-10-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

They say that to err is to be human, but I think that more than that it is vulnerability from learning to live in our fragility (what we have done and left undone) that makes us human. We have and create so much pain trying to hide, fix or fall into the shame that often follows vulnerability.

Living in the Tenderloin, either on the streets for this week or in the condo where I spend most of my days, I see the homeless, hungry and addicted as the walking vulnerable in the streets. When I hear about the fear people express about my week living in the streets, I wonder if they are mistaking the vulnerability I see with danger.

Our world and our lives often directly contribute to the poverty and vulnerability of others. For example, in owning a condo, I am invested in the housing market rebounding and becoming even more unaffordable for others.

I don't know if there is a political solution for what seems to be a social problem. Sure, we need to urge politicians to create humane budgets that honor the vulnerable individuals we've promised to protect, we need to put our pocketbooks where our hearts are (donate now), we need to have individual interactions and not punish those with less for being grumpy and rightfully angry about their situations and we need to continue to pray for those things that seem beyond redemption.

There are simple solutions to some of these problems (not that they are easy to come by, but that we at least know how to solve them):
Homelessness is solved by housing;
Hunger is solved by eating;
Hopelessness is solved by hope;
Loneliness is solved by community and companionship;
Mistrust is solved by honesty.

Other issues require a step today followed by a step tomorrow but over time lead to something better than yesterday:
Sobriety;
Mental health;
Independence/interdependence
Faith
Love

I pray that we become people who urge today to fix the things that are fixable if only we had the will and investment (read: money) to do so, who strive each day to become better at the things that we must work each day on, that we have compassion for/with those who may be marching circles around or away from their goal and to forgive ourselves when we expect ourselves to be anything other than vulnerable growing humans.

Location:Fools Court, Tenderloin, San Francisco

Day Seven: Just One More Night

2010-10-29T17:02:00.001-07:00

This week I've been noticing the ways in which the homeless working poor venture around San Francisco. One of the things that I've been seeing all week that I haven't mentioned yet in any of my blog posts are the homeless folk that have been paid by local campaigns to care political signs for $10 an hour, or the folk in the GLIDE line that got paid $1 for each signature that they got from individuals in the line. The pitch to sign was: "sign this, I'll get a dollar." The information on the signature sheet left it to the imagination what it was that we were actually signing. It was something to do with reduced telephone fees for the poor, but without additional info it was hard to tell if we were signing in support or opposition.

I'm a big fan of getting people without resources access to resources, particularly through jobs that are well suited for their particular abilities. However, during this campaign season, I find it a misuse of power to have the very people these propositions or politicians will be cutting services for promote the very campaigns that will end their programs.

Paying homeless people to carry signs as if they are supporting the idea or person on the sign sends a false message to others who may want to vote for the person who is most likely to help the poor.

In the same way that people are urging for transparency in commercial sponsorship, it should be required at "grassroots" rallies and public signature gatherers and sign carriers to where t-shirts signifying that they are actually on the payroll of the group, idea or candidate they are supporting.

Tonight will be my last night on the streets and I'll get to go home to my own bed in the morning. I'm deeply looking forward to an end of this particular type of exhaustion in my life. I'm also excited to have more than just fried starchy foods in my diet again. I think my complexion and tummy will also enjoy this.

I feel confident as my street retreat ends, that what I have learned will benefit my work with the homeless for the rest of the year. If you have not yet taken the time to respond to my begging and send a gift large or small to Welcome (where I work with the chronically homeless all year long) I hope you'll click on the donation link on the top right of this blog.

I beg so others don't have to.

Thanks again for readying my adventures on the streets. I'll post another entry tomorrow and be adding some stuff that I didn't have computer access to add earlier.

My prayer tonight is that bosses everywhere will be aware of the power they have and think about the ethics of requiring their workers to preform their daily work duties. And of course for those who are without work to get some - and when they can, to get better jobs (in whatever way that means to them).

Have a blessed night, here's hoping that there is no more rain today! May you and yours be warm and dry tonight and every night.

Location:Starbucks, Polk and Van Ness, San Francisco

Day Six: Raw Emotion

2010-10-28T16:02:00.001-07:00

Last night we had so much more cardboard than we needed to gather for our beds. In case you didn't know, the cardboard serves a two-fold purpose. First, it cuts the chill of the concrete, which sucks the heat out of your body. This thin layer of discarded trash can mean the literal difference between waking up alive or dead. Second, the cardboard makes the bed a little bit softer.

In fact, when I was on street retreat for two weeks living with the poor in Nicaragua card board on a bed frame was my mattress. Last night, because we had such an abundance, I got to sleep with two-ply. Like toilet paper, the extra layer makes a difference. Last night I only had to turn over twice because half my body had gone numb.

A better nights sleep lead to a much better morning. However, I have now arrived at one of the most sacred reasons that I embark on these street retreats. I am now emotionally raw. And sitting here in the Starbucks enjoying my favorite comfort food, a soy hot chocolate, I feel myself at the verge of tears. The exhaustion in my body and mind from being in survival mode for six days in a row has caught up with me.

Yet, unlike my normal need to function with very little wavering of feeling in order to balance the manic and erratic feelings of the chronically homeless I work with each day, today I get to have feelings. I get to feel the vulnerability of being a small hungry fish in a large pond full of hungry fish.

So, today I don't take things for granted. I get angry easily over injustice. I embrace the powerful moments and the roll in my belly with a sense of the sacred living around and in me.

One of the most moving moments of my day was when I was sitting with the Larkin youth (predominately homeless queer kids kicked out of their homes for being queer) as they spoke with a screaming queen from the Compton Riots and learned about the history of poor queers demanding their rights and to be treated with dignity I was hit with an overwhelming sense of call. An overwhelming sense that these moments were exactly what I was put on earth to do.

These are all thoughts I've had before in my head. But today, I'm enjoying the rawness of the streets, that brought me to a safe raw space to feel a bit mystical.

My prayers tonight are for all that live in the world feeling raw in an unsafe way, for compassion on safety for anyone considering ending their life (it gets better I promise), for those who live with domestic abuse with no way out, for those who feel covered in the fog of unending depression and for all that have forgotten what hope feels like.

I pray even more deeply that all may have the sense that they are mystical, that God is with them, for them and working through them. And if the idea of God creeps you out a bit, I hope for you a sense of purpose and peace.

Blessings upon blessings,
Megan.

Location:Starbucks, Market and Polk, San Francisco

Day Five: Four doughnuts and a scone

2010-10-27T21:35:00.000-07:00

Today, I lived off of yesterday's meetings. For breakfast I had two doughnuts from yesterday's staff meeting. For lunch I had two more doughnuts. Later in the afternoon I had a scone. I learned the hard way the consequences of working during the times when the food lines are open. After work I have never enjoyed beans and rice more, as I quickly consumed my super from Food Not Bombs, a local group that feeds people in protest of the priorities of the governments spending policies.

Later in the evening the generosity of the streets provided as I was able to take the other street retreaters out for dessert at Mel's Diner for Carmen's birthday. This added berry pie to the nutritional value of my day.

Despite the rising number of working poor in today's economy, there is a surprising lack of options for meals during the day. I suppose if I was on the streets longer I could make use of the food pantries that give away food on the weekends, but without a kitchen or a stove I'm not sure what good it would do. I suppose I could apply for food stamps and get a debit card that can be used at Subway, though I doubt the funds last very long when used on precooked food.

This lack of proper nutrition and emphasis on starchy filling foods is a large part of the reason the America's hungry are overweight rather than skinny. Farms can grow some of the food that can be eaten raw by the working poor, but I still long to put into practice a food pantry that gives out precooked food for those who live in buildings without kitchens or who work during regular food line hours.

Also, on a completely different subject, all those that are worried about my safety as I sleep on the street: know that nearly each night I me others who are afraid sleeping on the streets, others are so vulnerable or frail they could not hurt anyone. It seems tha the real danger is non-homeless people. Particularly on a night like tonight, it is those out drinking while watching the World Series that are out of control and unsafe.

Well, sleep beckons. Hope you and yours are warm and safe tonight. Prayers for all the people who pick produce in the fields, who stock shelves and who drive trucks.

Day Four: Junk Food Lines

2010-10-26T16:09:00.000-07:00

This morning the line for breakfast at Glide extended two full city blocks. Above is a photo of the second block of the line. When we finally arrived inside for food there was a notice on the wall that proclaimed that the coffee company who donated the coffee was no longer able to donate because of the economy, so there was no coffee this morning.

At a meeting earlier this month I learned that Glide was trying to figure out a way to cut its meals by 20%. For the first time Glide may have to limit people to just one meal or limit the number of people that they feed each meal. As I spend my day working at Welcome and operating our Tuesday drop in meal called the Welcome Center that provides a light lunch from 2-4pm, I wonder about the impact of Glide's cuts at small programs like Welcome. Our Saturday night dinners have already swelled from 100 to 300 this year.

It is believed that the breakfast line is so long because it is full of the working poor, who come for breakfast before heading off to work. It's hard to tell how the folk in line will spend the rest of the day just by looking at them, but the line is certainly younger and whiter then I've ever seen it before.

As, I enter my fourth day on the streets I notice that my ability to focus at work is equal to the amount of caffeine I've consumed to get my brain in order. I wonder how many of the hundreds who ate at Glide this morning were unable to concentrate at work the rest of the day, due to the loss of the coffee donation.

I've also noticed that because when I'm working I miss out on the free meal sites, that I have to consume more fast food than I typically would. I'll have to see how this affects my complexion and waist line. But it is certainly hard to tell the difference between waiting in the line at Glide for breakfast or waiting at McDonald's for the value menu. The clothing, smell and look of exhaustion seems to be the same.

In addition to food trouble, getting ready to go to work and trying to get rid of the look and smell of sleeping on the streets is certainly an ordeal. Bathrooms become shower stalls - with adult sized wet wipes for showers.

So, today I pray that everyone waiting in lines - whether it be for stamps, groceries, food, to pay tolls, etc - experience the compassion of a God who knows the frustration of feeling like all of life is waiting. This God reverses the orders of lines and social structures.

Peace be with you all.

Day Three: All Work and No Play

2010-10-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

Today I learned that one of the biggest difficulties working and sleeping on the street is that you miss all the services that start after you work and end before work is finished. While the daily grind gave me something to do and passed the hour more quickly, they also made me more dependent upon the generosity of collegues and friends. I didn't have the option to choose an anonymous meal. It also made me wonder how long it would take to transform a unique opportunity to help someone who spends so much time giving to others, before I was seen as an obnoxious person who is only know for begging for what I need.

Professionally I beg all the time: for supplies for the homeless, for grants and donations (you can send yours online through the link on the right), as offering and for volunteers. Yet these forms of begging are written into the service or are acceptable because I'm asking at the behest of others.

Tonight I was grateful for Sacred Cocktails and the opportunity for a free meal and drink surrounded with a great talk ad great people. Afterwards as I prepared my sleeping bag I ran into a reoccuring friend from several street retreats. Now sober and housed, he was working to create safe places for other GLBT homeless folk. It was inspiring to see how far one person could come and the way one chance encounter on a street retreat could lead to such total life transformation.

He other thing I'm noticing from working and sleeping on the streets is how exhausted I am at night. While it makes it easier to fall asleep with the roaring traffic going by, it makes it harder to blog in my phone here in the dim light of the doorway. So, I'll call it a night and blog more in the morning. Good night all. Sweet dreams.

Location:The steps of First Unitarian Universalist Church, San Francisco

Day Two: Longing for Safe, Dry Sanctuary

2010-10-24T13:29:00.001-07:00

In many ways, rain is a great equalizer. People who are outside in the rain tend to all look the same, like over bundled drippy people slogging to wherever they are headed. Yet, for those who have nowhere to head (like me today) the ability to find a small warm space to give the water a chance to roll of your back is more important than ever.

Interestingly, this is a great motivator for many to head to church. Though rainy days is a time when many housed parishioners may decide to skip church because they don't want to leave warm beds to head out in the rain. It is such a blessing to those with no dry sanctuary can find that in churches.

Right now, my sanctuary is the public library. I remember when I was little that my mother would drop me off at the library while she worked. I loved the books and that I could play Oregon Trail on the computers for one hour a day. It was only years later that I realized that the other kids I had spent time with and most of the others in the Sioux Falls, SD library were homeless folk.

Since I was just in Washington DC this past week, I've been thinking about the way that Abraham Lincoln was used as the symbol of the American dream. His portrait stands out in the middle of the Library of Congress dome as a reminder that he was a self made man who gained his education through public libraries rather than through a college or university.

While I'm grateful that public libraries offer that same opportunity for people to have equal access to education, I also know that libraries across the country have become the mainstays for homeless folk - particularly in areas where other valuable services are being cut. I've read several articles this year about how librarians have had to take on roles of being like a social worker because of this issue.

Access to education is certainly one way to help those living in poverty to improve their quality of life. But, when they don't have access to prescription glasses or enough sleep to focus on reading, it's not true access.

Here at the San Francisco Public library they have a rule that if you fall asleep you have to leave. The rule makes me think back to my night sleeping on the cold concrete tucked in the doorway of a church with a garbage bag wrapped around the bottom of my sleeping bag to prevent it from getting too wet. While I was warm enough, my sleep was interrupted by the fact that I had to constantly wake up throughout the night as half my body would go numb and I needed to flip over. As it got closer to dawn, the time between numbness grew shorter and shorter and so did sleep.

Since this is only the second day of my street retreat I'm not so exhausted yet that I'm tempted to fall asleep in the library. But I wonder on a cold, rainy day like today where I could go if I needed to rest.

Most congregations are not cool with a cold stranger coming to sleep in the pews. And since I'm directing my thoughts towards what it feels like to be a part of the working poor, I can really see how having spaces to rest and refresh before work would be vital to survival. If I was truly homeless I would do whatever it took to keep my job, since that would be my quickest way to eventually be able to acquire shelter.

Since, yesterday morning I was in New York I also wonder about that promise on the Statue of Liberty telling the tired huddled masses that they could come and be free. I also wish that promise would have included keeping them safe, warm and feed.

Somehow all these jumbled thoughts bring me back to the image of the dry bones. The promise that God can breathe life into weary bones and revive them is something I ardently pray for today. May the God who promises justice provide hope and strength to the wet ones in San Francisco.

I hope you and your family are dry and safe this beautiful Saturday.

I leave you with this image of Kay (a retired Unitarian Universalist pastor) that I'm on retreat with. Today at Glide, we ate breakfast together. And her sense of humor made me smile. I was glad that she could bring that Franciscan sense of the fool to our meal.

Location:Grove St,San Francisco,United States

Day One: 95 theses on poverty

2010-10-23T20:41:00.001-07:00

Today, was day one of my working street retreat. If you haven't read my previous blog, I'm working during my retreat this year to bring attention to the growing number of working poor in the United States. And since it is the week before Reformation Sunday, I'm also incorporating a reformation theme into my writing and meditations throughout the week.

My writings below are certainly not all theses, complete sentences or even statements. Some are questions, some are bits of thoughts and some may not even be that important. But there are 95, which is a lot harder that I thought it would be.

I hope it captures your attention enough to want to read my Reformation week blogging about my life living on the streets for 7 days and 7 nights in San Francisco's Tenderloin. I'll post at least one blog each day from October 23-30. Be sure to hit "refresh" or "reload" on your browser each day to see the new blogs.

1) in addition to daily bread, all people ought to have access to healthy food
2) communion meals that offer crumbs to a hungry world, lack the nourishment of the original Eucharist meal
3) communion wafers are not food
4) food allergies were knit into us by God in our mother's womb. Failing to provide safe alternatives for those with wheat or grape allergies does harm to the body and soul.
4) communion that only has alcoholic wine, ignores the sin of addiction - a disease that the church has not found ways to adequately live with, create boundaries around and speak openly and honestly about
5) Matthew 25 tells us that when we see someone naked, we should clothe them. when we see someone hungry, we feed them, etc. This does not require a committee.
6) the same crisis that plagues our countries housing and mortgages, also plagues our churches - the number of churches whose life or death relies on their ability to afford their building or who are living solely of the income of their building is astounding.
7) all people deserve pastors, even people who cannot afford a church building, a home or to attend Synod or Churchwide Assemblies
8) if we live long enough we will all become disabled
9) as long as the poor cannot afford dental care (or the only dental care available only pulls teeth) and we shop at stores where only people with a full set of teeth work - we will always have an unemployable class of citizens in the US
10) Luther's last words were: "we are all beggars." Yet, begging is not allowed at ELCA gatherings (unless coming from videos or approved messages at a microphone)
11) if we were able to create 4 community gardens on unused church space, for free and grow more than 2,400 pounds of food in less than 8 months with all the unused lawn space around churches across the country, we could end hunger.
12) those who say it's better to show up and volunteer, than to write a check have never tried to raise money to fight poverty (p.s. you can send checks to Welcome, 1751 Sacramento St, San Francisco 94109 or donate online at www.sfwelcome.org).
13) socks (white ones with gray athletic toes and heals) are probably the only thing a person wouldn't sell to get something else
14) it is unjust that prison and war are often seen as better than living in poverty - and yet both lead to homelessness and unemployment
15) When Jesus' mom asks: "what's wrong with you? were you born in a barn?" Jesus answers: "yes." Perhaps that's why some of his most ardent followers are smelly, don't follow social convention and thus the church ought to have an open door policy.
16) if someone you loved knit you a scarf, you'd take care of it right? then how much more ought we take care of all the ones God knit in their mother's womb?
17) consider the lilies...
18) the greek word for dove is the same word as pigeon. If we imagined the Holy Spirit to be a pigeon (and overwhelmingly everywhere), would we still think justice had to wait for heaven?
19) education should be free for all - and teachers given a higher status in society.
20) the only solution to homelessness is housing.
21) are those with more money and power able to sin the most boldly and proclaim their beliefs more bolder still?
22) how much money and power do you have to have before you can be seen as enlightened for experiencing the same things that get others put in a mental hospital?
23) I wish Jesus would not have said: "the poor you will have with you always." What was that about? If only had had talking-points!
24) the practice of gleaning is now called stealing
25) more grain rots than is needed to feed all the hungry people in the world - in part because the US cannot figure out how to export it without it rotting at sea or get other countries to accept genetically altered crops.
26) The meek may inherit the earth, but those living in poverty need someone with a voice to not only call for justice, but to make it reign.
27) When we convince ourselves and others that the little that we can do to help end hunger or poverty is enough because it is the best we can do, we are lying to ourselves... at least I am.
28) No matter how much money you make, there is still no way you can pay enough to experience how much better food tastes when you grow it yourself - unless you actually grow it yourself.
29) only when we stop believing that those living in poverty or in homelessness must "earn" food, shelter or compassion, will we (as a society) fulfill our ability to feed, shelter and have compassion for all.
30) Just because we have no fair formula of making reparations (I'm not even talking monetarily) to the native Americans, former slaves, abused individuals, interned Japanese, and countless, endless list of others - doesn't mean we shouldn't try, or that we can justify racist economic systems.
31) God moves without seconds and I don't recall God ever giving prophets the opportunity to vote before prophesying.
32) I am so privileged to know when my time of living on the streets will begin and end (Oct. 23-30)
33) 95 theses is a lot, good for you for continuing to read these. I hope you'll add to the comments below to add the theses that I forgot.
34) this week I heard someone wonder why food pantries gave out canned foods but no can openers. how many other ways is the food we try to share unconsumable?
35) Bonhoeffer believed that if we all ate at the same table, there would be no hunger because we would share and wouldn't be able to eat if the others around us were going with out. He's right. But, this generation would have to reverse a lot of its individualistic trends in order to pull of large banquets.
36) are people more likely to eat unhealthy food when it is expensive (and prestigious) or when it is cheap and the only thing many can afford.
37) if you are watering anyway - would you rather the water feed grass or people (through a produce garden). Though we should remember gardens require much less water than lawns.
38) How much effort would you go to for a meal with someone beloved to you who is departed? Then why not go through that much effort when you eat with Jesus (ie when you eat with one of the "least).
39) if you give less money to organizations that feed the homeless during lean times, they will have less money when they have more work to do than normal. What if you're boss paid you that way?
40) why do we assume something is wrong with people who don't want to follow our rules. Are we more interested in protecting people or rules?
41) How much food do you throw away each week because it spoils in the fridge, it's inconvenient to carry/save or simply because you can.
42) If you are someone seeking to hear the voice of God. Know that if you succeed, you could be diagnosed as mentally ill.
43) What if people were paid based for the wear and tear on their bodies as a part of their salaries. Not simply the stress of working on the job, but when we know a job causes cancer, breaks backs, kills, or scars shouldn't we compensate people in the same way that people are charged for damage on a rental car?
44) salt is salty, except for when it's not salty. salt. (a joke for those who read biblical greek and wonder what Jesus is talking about in the strange section about salt in the Gospel of Mark).
45) three things are true: death; taxes and it's really hard to find a public restroom if you look poor in San Francisco.
46) poverty is a state of mind.
47) I'm thinking about Sojourn Truth. She was so moving a preacher that no one believed she was female. Reports are that she flashed her breasts to disprove the charge. The surprise that women can be powerful justice advocates, is silly. After all an overwhelming number of the participants in all the Great Awakenings were always women.
48) There is also of course the famous Timothy text encouraging young folk to speak out. We often say that the youth are ahead of their time. Why don't we instead say that older folk are behind the times. I say the answer is somewhere in the middle. Young folk need the wisdom of those who have lived through the latest trends and older folk need younger folk to uncomfortable and unretire them.
49) voting can never resolve -ism's (racism, sexism, heterosexism, ageism, classism, etc), yet not voting entrenches -ism's.
50) If law is on the side of business, and helping the poor is not profitable, how can we ever expect the law to be on the side of helping the poor if we do not seek to change the laws?
51) we ought to pray for what we have done and left undone around issues of poverty.
52) why are we so much better at responding to global poverty as a country than homelessness and hungry within the US?
53) why do the excuses about not being able to help the homeless and hungry always start with sentences about the safety of children? Particularly, since 1 in 4 children go hungry in the US each day. In your childhood think of the number of times you were hurt by a random stranger. Now, how many times were you hurt by family and friends? The overwhelming majority of crimes come from the 2nd group.
54) If you had infinite amounts of money what would you buy? Would you buy for yourself first or those with the "least"? How much would you give away?
55) rain, rain go away. Don't come back until after my street retreat is over!
56) If we demanded universal access to mental health care - care that was holistic and not only based on psychology, one of the biggest barriers between the homeless and finding a true home would be lifted.
57) If it was true that people would not work if everyone was given equal pay, why is it so hard for retired people to stop working?

58) A man knocked on the door of Old First Presbyterian Church, after being turned away from 7 other churches. The secretary listened and learned he wanted to do work at the church in exchange for a place to live. Some of the wealthiest members of the congregation let him live with them while he died of AIDS. Turns out he invented the style of painting with stencils above and painted on church ceilings all over Italy. The painting is now the symbol of the church. How many churches have lost what could possibly redefine them, by not listening to the stranger at the front door?
59) Read Bernie Glassman's Bearing Witness. It guides the street retreats that I go on with the Faithful Fools.
60) Last time I was on a rainy street retreat, I heard a man in the Glide food line say: "forty days and forty nights of rain, I can barely stand three."
61) When we pray for daily bread, who do we think will actually provide the bread. Not just on a spiritual level, but on a physical level?
62) In California bottles and cans are guaranteed to be worth actual cents. Despite paying a fee when buying drinks, most people throw the cans away or recycle them from their home rather than redeeming the money back that they paid for the can or bottle. This means people are literally throwing away money. When others without money try to take the money out of the recycling bins, they can be charged with stealing. So, we literally live in a society where people have a legally protected right to throw away their money and those without money are asked to watch others throw away money and do nothing to improve their lives. Makes no cents to me.
63) How much does it cost to attend your church? Think about: the type of clothes you must wear; how much you have to put in the offering to not have people look at you; the cost of remembering someone through the flowers; the kind of job required for a position on the council; the cost of going on the yearly retreat or on a youth trip; etc.
64) How often do you pray for the homeless away from church?
65) Would you be able to ask for help before it's too late? Many of the homeless (particularly the seniors) I work with cannot avoid time living on the streets. Often times there are options that they can access to avoid life on the streets (I'm talking about preventing homelessness), but by the time the individual comes to me it's too late to do anything because they waited too long to ask for help.
66) Would you rather sleep on the streets or in a shelter? On the streets you're vulnerable to the elements and to hooligans. In the shelter you live with people with mental illness and trauma and always feel confused by staff who frequently change the rules and yell at you.
67) How much would you spend to prevent a family member from becoming homeless? Do they know that? Would they ever ask you for help?
68) At most churches I go to I hear the stories of people who have children with severe mental illness or drug addiction who have or are currently experiencing homeless. There are also a good number of people who have been homeless for a time when they lived in a car, on the streets or on someone else's couch. If you don't know anyone at your church with these experience, I wonder why your church is not the kind of place people feel comfortable sharing these parts of their lives.
69) There is no "right" thing to do when someone begs you for money. Do what you think is best, then hope for a day when you can do more.
70) The disciples had to take nothing with them and stay in the homes of the first house they saw. Would you have let them stay with you if they knocked on your door?
70) The amount of money it costs for one night in a medium priced hotel could be used to feed 300 people. Consider a staycation - where you vacation in your own home or at friends/relatives house and donate the money you would have spent on the hotel to a homeless/hungry program.
71) If you do stay in hotels, collect the toiletries that come each day and donate them to homeless programs. They are the perfect size for the for the homeless and organizations are always running out.
72) One of the most exhausting parts of my street retreats is the back pain.
73) The Canticle of the Turning (a fantastic hymn) has a line that makes me cry every time: the hungry power will weep no more for the food they can never earn. There are tables spread, every mouth is fed, for the world is about to turn."
74) Mark 6:23 - "You Feed Them" This commandment from Jesus comes before questions about resources. And even then, the commandment remains along with the expectation that people will be fed.
75) In the greek, the word "minister to" and "feed" is the same, at least for modern translators who translate the word "koinonia." Typically this is part of sexist translating as the same used talking about men is translated "minsters" and when talking about women is translated "feeds." If we get rid of the sexism we have a great example of how evangelism and ministry require us and always have something to do with physically feeding people.
76) There are 3 times in the Gospel of Mark that Jesus miraculously feeds people. The number of people fed gets lower each time (from 5,000 to 4,000 to just the disciples in the boat), yet even with less to do the disciples think feeding people is impossible. Perhaps this problem still exists in some churches today.
77) Money doesn't grow on trees, but food does.
78) In San Francisco it is against the law to sleep in your car, but not to sleep on the sidewalk in front of your car.
79) It is my experience that when I finally have the courage to ask for the help that I need that people typically thank me fore asking for help and then do the best they can to help me. Yet, my perception is that if I ask for help it is a burden on others. I wonder where I learned that?
80) Poverty is as poverty does.
81) FDR said that we should seek not for an end to wars, but to an end of the beginning of wars. I wish we could do the same for homelessness.
82) In the Jewish tradition, individuals get mitzvah's or blessings for doing good deeds (among other things). However, the idea is not that you do a mitzvah for the sake of others. Rather, that it is a gift to the one doing the deed to do it.
83) Current political ads talk about "entitlements" and budget slashing like it is a way to balance books and has no effects on real lives. It's hard to believe people would put on tv the fact that they thing elders and the disabled should receive less than minimal funds they get that barely provide for safe housing.
84) If you only had $25 every 2 weeks, as those on General Assistance in San Francisco do, what would you eat? Consider that you may need to buy things other than food (like tampons, ladies?).
85) What would Jesus buy?
86) Many homeless people have foot problems because they leave their shoes and socks on 24/hrs a day - to prevent them from getting stolen.
87) The best book of the Bible to ready when you are angry at God for all the injustice in the world, is Isaiah.
88) Then, you should read Job to be reminded that God is God, and we are not.
89) More than any other group, Jesus says that the prostitutes will go to heaven before us.
90) I like the parable of the lost coin as a metaphor for God's care and salvation. I also like it because it is God who did the losing, not anything we did. A coin cannot lose itself. The message is that even if it was true that God outcast someone, that God is one who changes and grows (like us I hope) and will search and search for God's precious lost ones.
91) If you still are uninterested in helping the homeless or those in poverty, I wonder what it would take. What if I said: pretty please?
92) Neither death nor life, nor things present, nor things to come, can ever separate us from the love of God ... and yet we let so many tiny things separate us from our neighbor.
93) Yes, I know that sleeping on the streets, particularly in the rain is bad for my health. But more than 4300 other folk will also be sleeping on the streets in San Francisco tonight. And I bet you care more than you ever did before, because you know me (in real life or virtually). I spend most of my time as a pastor affirming people and helping them heal. This week I hope to provoke you into feeling deeply for those you may rarely think about the rest of the year.
94) Food is a human right.
95) It is not possible to leave poverty if you are not allowed your dignity.

Location:Out on the rainy streets of San Francisco

Reformation manifesto against poverty & homelessness and for pastor self care

2010-10-22T12:17:00.001-07:00

10/22/2010
Times Square New York

My last night indoors before my 7 days and 7 nights on the street this year I'm spending in Times Square. It wasn't planned to be an intentionally poetic thing. I'm doing a panel talk at CUNY's Graduate Center tonight for Out History. I fly back in the early morning and then head immediately to Davis, CA to preside at the closing worship of the Sierra Pacific Hunger Network's gathering. Then, I'll head immediately to Old First Presbyterian for the Saturday Community Dinner which will feed about 300 people. Afterwards I'll be joining the group of fools (no really, that's what we call ourselves - Faithful Fools after St. Francis of Assisi) and I'll be one of the huddled masses sleeping on the concrete outside of First Unitarian Universalist Church.

This street retreat, I'll be working on and off while I sleep on the streets at night. While this is a little different from past years, I think it will be a revelatory experience. First, I always find it helpful to feel how it feels in my bones to participate in the typical activities that I regularly ask homeless volunteers to participate in. Experiencing it helps me to understand what are unhelpful rules or just make life more difficult and painful for folk.

Another purpose of my continuing to work is to highlight the struggles of the working poor. This time in our economy more than ever, there are so many people working jobs that don't pay all their bills. Even I, someone very well off compared to the lives of those living on the streets, is currently working more than one job in order to get out from under debt, to pay my exceedingly high mortgage and because I haven't had a raise in three years.

And though there are a million reasons that my working while on street retreat can be illuminating, the final one I'll give here, is that during this week before the anniversary of the Reformation I want to highlight the way that pastors that chose to serve those with the least are consistently overworked and underpaid.

Without the ability to get good self care (through vacations, time off to think, time away from crisis and time away from bill worries both at work and home.

So for all these reasons, and all those that will come to me along the way, I officially declare my street retreat (from October 23 - 30) a call for a reformation to: solve domestic poverty; to pay living wages for individuals and families; and to provide self care and support with our prayers, money and priorities for pastors, particularly those engaged in community ministry or the diaconate, to get the self care they need.

Join me on my street retreat/reformation at: mystreetretreat.blogspot.com

And since I will beg on the streets, and in most of these notes, you might as well get used to me begging you to support the vital work that I'm able to do at Welcome. (via the mail: 1751 Sacramento St., San Francisco, CA 94109 or via the interwebs at: www.sfwelcome.org).

I get the privilege of developing creative ways for folk to respond to poverty - whether they live in it or not. If you feel like my blog will entertain you as much as a movie, give $11. If it makes you think like a book would, give $25. If it feels like church, consider tithing %15 of next weeks salary. If you learn as much as a college class consider donating $255. If it changes your life, or at least your perspective, how much is that worth to you?

Since most of my time is spent finding ways to make things free that people in poverty can't afford, I won't be upset if you don't give. But, anything you do give will help me spend less time begging (and more time helping those living in poverty improving their quality of life) when my street retreat is over.

Blessings upon blessings to you and yours. May you be warm and fed, today and all the days of your life.

Pastor Megan

Location:Time Square, NY, NY,United States

My Annual Begging Letter

2010-10-18T08:17:00.000-07:00

Welcome is a safety net for so many individuals who are homeless and hungry in San Francisco, but now we need your help to restore Welcome's fiscal safety net. Please help us raise the $20,000 we need to restore our savings and endowment funds to its 2008 level.

Your support now, will enable Welcome to spend less time fundraising, and more time giving one-on-one support to our guests, enabling them to move indoors, live more independently and participate more fully in their community.

Even in the midst of economic difficulties, Welcome has continued to enable individuals and congregations to participate in creative projects that address the core causes of hunger and homelessness.

This year, our community gardening project created gardens at Bethlehem Lutheran in West Oakland, Shepherd of the Hills in Berkeley, St. Mark's and St. Paulus Lutheran churches in San Francisco. To date, these gardens have harvested more than 2,400 pounds of produce which was given away for free. Our new program, Project Faith Connect (PFC) organized faith groups to make 1,000 sack lunches so that participants at the Golden Gate Park Project Homeless Connect could gain access to the vital health, city and non-profit organizations and complete in a day what would typically take months. In partnership with the San Francisco Interfaith Council, we'll be collecting 2,500 blankets for the homeless in December. Our Saturday dinners have enabled more than 6,000 hungry individuals to eat a restaurant quality meal with volunteers at the only free meal available in San Francisco on a Saturday night.

This October 23rd through 30th, I'll once again be sleeping on the streets of San Francisco to bring attention to homelessness and literally begging you to support the life saving work that Welcome provides. I invite you to follow my blogging from the streets at: mystreetretreat.blogspot.com

I beg you to send as little or as much as you can to support my street retreat and Welcome.

Faithfuly yours,

Rev. Megan Rohrer
Executive Director

P.S. I beg, so hundreds of others don't have to. Your support now enables those with the least to have food and pastoral support.

Thankful.

2009-08-24T01:30:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful that the night I was finally kicked out of the skyways at 3:00 am, was my last night in the streets. It must have been a shift change. An older man yelled and yelled. Then confirmed to a man Ina speaker, who had presumably found me in the security camera, that it was all taken care of.

I'm thankful for all the patrons who helped me on my wilderness walking. Thankful that after 3 and a half more hours I can hop on a plane an that tonight, I can sleep in my own bed!

Day Seven, August 23, 2009

2009-08-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

Sleeping on the streets of a city and living with those in poverty connects you to them in a way that you will never forget. Having done seven street retreats in San Francisco of the past 8 years and living with the poor in the barrios and campo of Nicaragua, each experience has changed the way I live. Since living with the poor in Nicaragua and visiting the sweatshops who make "Cuban" cigars, I have a sense of the health risks of cigarettes and cigars that most people don't know exists beyond second and first hand smoke.

Living in the skywalks in Minneapolis has opened my eyes to the inordinate expense that churches spend, that could go for so much good. First, calling myself out, attending churchwide assembly and sleeping in a hotel all week would have been a legitimate expense in WELCOME's budget. Yet here would be the cost:

Visitor's Badge: $50
Plane Fair: $500
Hotel Room (7 nights): $1,155
Food: $350
Total: $2,055

Total spent by me on this trip: $140 --- Savings: $1,915

Now remember that the ELCA had $1,000 voting members (not including all the staff). So at least $20,000 was spent on getting people to the event. Think of the additional fees for renting out an entire convention center, 6 camera's, 2 techies, 1 captioner, and all the walkie talkie equipment.

Now think of the money that exchanged hands. Each of the 7 worship experiences brought about $10,000 in offering. I raised more than $3,000, with more than $360 dollars in inkind donations for my food and entertainment.

Complete strangers offered me the opportunity to sleep in their house, hotel or car. Yet, I wonder how many offered the same to any of the complete strangers that actually desperately need it.

I know that people feel more comfortable giving to an organization than individuals sometime. And knowing what I was up to certainly helped people to give. And I am soooooooo grateful for all the support for WELCOME and will continue to work to raise the remaining funds we need to feed all who will show up at our door this year.

Yet, how do we tap the generosity that people have - in the church and in their own wallets. How do we learn to share our resources so that people don't have to hit their rock bottom before they are able to get the help and support they need to live healthy lives.

I seek continually to work to be this bridge. And I imagine that that may be what I take from this trip.

I imagine I will continue to process this and discover that over time. But those are my thoughts for now. Tonight I spend my last night in the skywalk (God willing), before I head to the airport and back to San Francisco.

Sermon- Really, Really, Really, Really

2009-08-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

Preached on my 6th day on the street. Click the triangle above to play. If you don't see a triangle find the sermon at www.sermon.net/sfwelcome
Date: 08-23-2009
Description: A sermon preached at the 8:30 Jazz service at Salem English Lutheran in Minneapolis.
Pastor : Megan Rohrer
Sermon : Salem English Lutheran - Minneapolis
Scripture : John 6:51-66

Sermon - The World Would be a Better Place if Everyone Was Naked!

2009-08-23T13:45:00.000-07:00

Preached on my 6th day on the street. Click the triangle above to play. If you don't see a triangle find the sermon at www.sermon.net/sfwelcome
Date: 08-23-2009
Description: A sermon preached at the 8:30 Contemporary service at Salem English Lutheran in Minneapolis.
Key words: homeless,HIV/AIDS,health,justice
Pastor : Megan Rohrer
Sermon : Salem English Lutheran - Minneapolis
Scripture : John 6:51-66

Night Six - Hard to think

2009-08-23T04:50:00.000-07:00

Sermon/Bible Study- Rocky Goodsoil

2009-08-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

Press the triangle above to listen. If you do not see a triangle you can listen to the sermon at: www.sermon.net
Date: 08-22-2009
Description: Bible study and brief meditation the day after ELCA votes to have full inclusion of GLBT folk.
Pastor : Megan Rohrer
Sermon : ELM - Churchwide Assembly 09
Scripture : Mark 4:1-20

Day Five August 21, 2009

2009-08-21T21:00:00.000-07:00

Today, I had my t-shirt instead of a sign. So I shouldn't get in trouble, right? Wrong. I got in trouble for having a cup with money in it on the floor. However, members who had heard about what I was doing told their friends and people gave me $83 with no sign or cup.

This may be a lot like the homeless individuals who have been on the streets in a neighborhood for a long time and have folks who support them and help them get the food and other things they need for their daily survival.

Yet, it's easy to forget about such things in the midst of such great change. One of the reasons I have called this venture begging for change is because the ELCA's was (as it has been for 20 years) talking about the ability for queer folk to get married and to be ordained. Both passed today. See the New York Times article I'm quoted in.

These issues are connected for me because so many of the homeless in San Francisco are actually from the Midwest. They fled the homophobia (real or perceived) in their communities, only to arrive in the most expensive city to live in and the city with the highest addiction rate.

The homeless called me pastor, during the time when I was unwilling to fight to become a pastor in the ELCA because of the discriminatory policies. My response would be to explain the carefully nuanced stance of the ELCA, after which they would simply nod their head and say: "whatever Pastor!'

Obviously I eventually gave in and became a pastor. And so believing in the priesthood of all believers (and to return the favor) I venture to the streets again and again reminding the homeless that they are pastors too. And even though the church too often only sends pastors to those who can afford them, or can afford a church building, they are very worthy of love and care.

In this my 8th year of working as the Executive Director of WELCOME, I confess that the homeless have taught me more about scripture, faith and humility than I feel I have been able to offer them.

So today I pray for all those who have not yet received the news that they are pastors. I pray for those who did not live to see this day. Good night sweet followers.

Day Four. August 20, 2009

2009-08-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

While I spoke yesterday about the privilege that I was given because of my power and my badge. Today I learn how far that privilege goes as I was told by the ELCA staff that I am not allowed to have my cardboard sign or raised funds here. When I asked if I could take the part off my sign that asks for money, I was told: "absolutely not, and whatever you do you better not raise any money here."

All day long I listen to all the causes the ELCA wants me to give money too. So far, this has only included issues related to world disease - but nothing involving domestic hunger issues, despite the fact that we are in the worst recession this country has seen since the Great Depression.

In seminary I was taught about stewardship and every Sunday I'm expected to ask for "offerings." Politicians, girl scouts and facebook friends with birthdays are respected when they ask for money, and yet if you are poor (and likely) actually need the money for your daily bread, medication, feminine hygiene or rent you are not supposed to ask for money... unless it's Lent.

So, today I ask you to think about all the time's you've been able to ask for help when you truly needed it, how hard it was to actually admit your vulnerability. Imagine if you like the Sarophoenecian woman seeking medical care for her daughter (Mark 7:25-30), the bleeding woman (Mark 5:21-43), or Jeremiah had a constant need that people had decided to stop listen to.

Are we afraid that if we listen to those cries that we will be overwhelmed by the injustice in the world, or that if we help everyone in need we still don't trust anyone will do the same for us. Good fiscal responsibility is a good thing and yet we must not ignore the lines of women with children panhandling in downtown Minnesota.

Yesterday I raised more than $2,500 for the hungry in San Francisco, today without a sign I could only raise $16 (all made I had to put my sign away). Cardboard signs are a symbol of someone willing to be vulnerable enough to ask for the help they need. Could you sit in your cities busiest part and ask for what you truly and deeply need on a cardboard sign? If you did what would it say:

Will Work for Companionship
Need medication, please help
Need a tutor for biochem
Job needed
Addict, please help
Credit Jubilee Needed
[Insert your deep need here]

I have the courage to say that I am worried that we won't be able to feed the additional 5,000 meals that we will need to meet the demand of our new economic reality. I've raised half of the needed $6,000 - will you be willing to help us raise the rest (now that I can't hold up my sign). If so you can donate online (all matters of change accepted via cash, check and credit card) at: www.welcomeministry.org

Prayers: Today I pray that we have the courage to admit our deep needs with the world, and that that world responds to our deep need by offering hope, resources and when we need it, cold hard cash. Again, I also pray for the transgender saint of the day:

August 19: St. Sussanah/John- Female born ascetic who wore male monastic habits. Refused to give up her identity even when accused and condemned falsely for seduction and rape. (Excerpt from Queerly Lutheran, Wilgefortis, 2009)

Video of Night Three on the Street

2009-08-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

Day Three: August 19, 2009

2009-08-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today was a very dramatic day. I was successfully able to sleep in the skywalk (thank God(dess). I was woke up at 6am by the guard of the convention center telling me I wasn't allowed to be there. That's the same time the guards wake us up in front of the UU church in San Francisco that I have so often slept in the back or in the archways at.

At the assembly, I panhandled until the Convention Center staff informed me there was no panhandling on the premises. Then seeing my collar he stuttered a bit and tried to explain I could full participate, but I needed to do it without my sign. I asked him what the difference was between my sign and the countless others strewn about the convention hall advertising things. He said "they're officially recognized by the show." The show he was referring to was the church. Which is as much me as it is the homeless and hungry that were escorted out of the building and the Lutherans tried to give them food, but the Convention Center staff refused.

In my favorite moment of the day Pastor Anita Hill and a pastor fluent in native languages were able to serve coffee to five homeless women and speak to them in their native tongue.

But then drama continued as a tornado hit our building (no really) and broke the steeple at the church across the street. The most deeply saddening moment for me, as my heart dropped as I thought about those who had no shelter and who were continuously being sent away from safe spaces like the building I was in. Again it's a reminder of the privilege I wear around my neck (my collar and my name badge).

It's also another reminder of how all the things people feared for my saftey on these streets are so little compared to the weather. This is to be expected, as it is always the things we can't control that scare us the most. The vulnerability of the street is living life on the other side of the illusion that the locks on our doors, the insurance we buy, the faithfulness we have that cannot really protect our fragile bodies from the chaos of life, nature and the Spirit.

So tonight I pray mightily that I can once again sleep in the skywalk. Or that I can find another suitable place. Again it is supposed to rain as it is tomorrow.

Today I raised $2,565 for the Welcome Ministry and was given enough meal tickets for the rest of the assembly to be able to ensure that 100% of the panhandling money I get this week will go to WELCOME. This brings us nearly to the halfway mark of my mission to collect $6,000 to enable the feeding of 5,000. I invite you to help as you are able. A friend from twitter brought me a soy hot chocolate, so I know the internet can provide. (begging again and again- you can donate online at: www.welcomeministry.org).

Still there is more concern for my safety tonight and I confess the weather has me worried. I know that it is bigger than me. I promise to stay as safe as I can. And I trust that your prayers will help too. Blessings to all of you, I hope you have warm beds to sleep in tonight.

Prayers:

August 20: Feast day of St. Bernard of Clairvaux (According to the Old Roman Calendar)- 1090-1153 CE; Bernard was a French Christian churchman who was a merciless zealot, had an erotic relation with Jesus, his divine lover and husband. After Bernard’s death, many French individuals believed that if they passed under the rainbow of St. Bernard that they would undergo a gender metamorphosis.

(Excerpt from Queerly Lutheran, Wilgefortis, 2009)

Videos of Night Two - Megan in the Sky(way)

2009-08-19T05:05:00.000-07:00

Bedding down for the night

Waking up to a loud boom at 3am

Day Two: August 18, 2009

2009-08-18T18:49:00.000-07:00

Sleeping in the airport was suprisingly similar to sleeping in the shelters in San Francisco. It's sleeping on the floor with the lights on surrounded by lots of noise. Also, you don't know what the rules are and have a hard time sleeping because you think at any moment that you will be kicked out. And frankly with the strict Homeland Security rules I'm kind of surprised that they let me sleep in the airport without a flight to catch the next day.

The Churchwide assembly today was a lot of meetings about creating a Lutheran response to Malaria and human sexuality. I found it interesting that if the speakers who were speaking against homosexuality had said the same things about Malaria they would never have been able to get away with it.

Today I learned that the homeless in Minneapolis sleep in the walkways that connect buildings which makes a lot of since - as the walkways are designed to make it so people don't have to walk outside in the extreme heat. So tonight I'll find out how the police feel about the homeless sleeping in the walkways.

The Lutherans have been very generous to me. Today I got free meal passes for both lunch and dinner and $60 which will go to WELCOME to help with my goal of raising $6,000 on this retreat. These funds will help us feed an additional 5,000.

Insert pitch here begging you for money! Donate online.

I don't know if I have any thoughts yet about the differences between the homeless in Minneapolis and in San Francisco. Hope to learn more over the next six days.

Prayer: Tonight I remember the queer saint of the day...

August 18: Death of Pope Alexander VI- 1431-1503; Pope Alexander VI, born Roderic Borja, was allegedly bisexual. Fathering several children with several mistresses, he was also thought to have had several handsome male pages as lovers as well as a man named Jem. (Excerpt from Queerly Lutheran, Wilgefortis, 2009)

Day One: August 17, 2009

2009-08-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

This morning I got on an airplane in San Francisco. The only thing in my pockets is my drivers license (to get through airport security). I am not bringing any money or credit cards on this trip. On this street retreat, I'll be attending the ELCA Churchwide Assembly during the day, preaching at 2 services at Salem English Lutheran on Sunday and sleeping on the streets or in a shelter each night.

Today I spent all day on a plane, with no money. For this whole trip I'll have no money and will be begging for my food. Obviously I can't get away from my power and privilege on this retreat and I imagine that there will be people who buy me food and help me out that might not give money to someone who is homeless. The purpose of this retreat is not to recreate the experience of someone who is homeless. Simulating the isolation, trauma and sense of having no support from family or community is not what I'm interested.

Instead I hope to educate people about what it feels like to sleep on the street, to beg for food and about issues of hunger and poverty. I also hope to raise funds for WELCOME. All the funds I raise begging that go beyond my food expenses for the week will be used to feed an additional 5,000 people this year. If my work inspires you to give, please click on the image at the bottom of this blog, or visit www.welcomeministry.org

Tonight I arrive in Minneapolis too late to attend any of the free meals. So tonight I go to bed hungry like many individuals all over the world. Because my flight arrived at 10pm, too late to scout a place to sleep on the streets I'll attempt to sleep in the airport tonight. I'm not sure of Homeland Security allows it anymore, but I'll fund out.

Sleeping with me tonight are the 9,000 individuals who are homelessness in Minnesota each night, 7,000 will receive shelter, while 1,000 individuals will be turned away. Hundreds of uncounted individuals will be spending the night under a bridge, in a car or perhaps with me at the airport. (source: http://www.mnhomelesscoalition.org/facts/homelessness/)

Prayers: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Why I go on Street Retreat

2009-07-11T11:26:00.000-07:00

Missionary to the homeless: Called by Sts. Mary & Martha, Christ Church, Her Church (Ebenezer) and St. Francis to be the Executive Director of WELCOME - a communal response to poverty, I also serve as a missionary to the homeless. By being out on the streets I can learn about the services that are or are not being offered by other organizations. Beyond that being on the street is an opportunity for those I serve to serve me (like Jesus' foot washing) and provides me with the opportunity to listen to those living in poverty in a new way. Like my encounter with the gentleman above (pictured on the left). My chance meeting with him helped him to change his life, clean up a bit and the picture of him on the right was taken during coffee hour at St. Francis Lutheran a year later. The pictures show what I have experienced hundreds of times over on the streets. Live change when you take a moment to listen.
Educating people about poverty Issues: My time on the streets helps me to feel in my bones what it feels like to live in poverty. It also provides me with many of the encounters and stories that I talk about in my sermons throughout the rest of the year. Additionally, in a time when stories about people living in poverty and deep need overwhelm us, street retreats seem to capture people's attention in a unique and powerful way. Perhaps it is like any issue. We always care more when it affects someone we know or love. You may not have the ability, time or privilege to spend a week on the streets learning about poverty. But you may have the ability to read about my stories, share them with others or invite me to your congregation to share my stories first hand. If you want to learn more about the laws and politics that keep people in poverty, or about the ways that those living in poverty can be ministers, then I hope you will read about my street retreat.
Begging for Change: I use the experiences I have on the streets to lobby politicians for change, to create new programs at WELCOME that will address the root causes of poverty and in a very literal way to panhandle. Yes, I beg those who are moved by my stories to support WELCOME with donations. This year while I'm at Churchwide, any money beyond what I'll need to eat will be donated to WELCOME. My goal is to raise $6,000. This is the amount of my sabbatical tuition. This will enable me to begin my Doctorate of Ministry at Pacific School of Religion, where I will study and discern the next phase of WELCOME. Help me, and WELCOME learn how to transform from a homeless ministry to a communal response to poverty, from a ministry of presence to a ministry of justice. We hope that our work with be a model for the rest of the country. So if you feel like this blog is educating you, please help support my education. Donate if you are able, I beg you.

Thanks for your support and for going on this journey will me.

Pastor Megan Rohrer

Invitation to follow my street retreat

2009-07-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

Will Work For Food

2009-07-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

I'm writing today to announce that I will be participating in a street retreat in Minneapolis, MN on August 17-23rd during the ELCA Churchwide Assembly.

I'm calling it: Will Work for Food - because at this assembly the ELCA will yet again be voting to decide if LGBT folk should be allowed to be pastors. Or as they'll say it: if gay and lesbians in "life long monogamous relationships" can be on the "official roster" of the church. Lutherans have been studying this issue since 1976 (it's actually the 6th study by my count if you count those of the churches that preceded the ELCA).

I am a pastor. I have been doing ministry. Ordained by Extraordinary Lutheran Ministries, my ordination followed Martin Luther's tradition of ordaining pastor's when bishops try to require a vow of celibacy (which Luther thought was against the gospel).

As a pastor who works with the homeless and hungry, on the one hand I'm hoping the church will vote to change their policy. On another level I'll be begging for my food the entire assembly - as a way to point out how much money the church (and those who are allowed to vote) spend on an assembly and how we should pay attention to those living in poverty who deserve pastors even when they can't afford them (or the upkeep of their building).

My plane ticket was free - a gift from United Airlines for mechanical delay on my flight back from Philadelphia. My registration for the assembly cost $50 to be a visitor - without registering as a visitor the armed guards won't let me inside the building. No really.

I plan to wear my clergy collar for my entire retreat and to carry a cardboard sign that proclaims will work for food. I will blog - both with words and with video. I also hope to bring some flyers that let people know what I'm up to, so they can learn about this blog and my work at Welcome in San Francisco.

I am beginning to learn about the laws about homelessness in Minneapolis. Also I'm thinking about mosquitoes and how to prevent being eating alive.

Since begging will be what provides me with my meals on my journey, I begin now by begging you to support Welcome. Send donations now or please let others know about what I'm doing so we can call attention to poverty.

I truly believe that when Lutherans cannot agree on policy, words or theology that we can agree on justice, to help the poor and help our neighbor. Join me August 17-23.

Blessings,
Pastor Megan Rohrer
Executive Director
Welcome - a communal response to poverty
www.welcomeministry.org

Trouble Will Bury Me Down

2009-04-13T15:21:00.001-07:00

Hear "Trouble Will Bury Me Down"
Sermon Preached at the San Francisco Swedenborgian Church on April 5, 2009 (the second day of my seven day street retreat).
Scripture readings: Psalm 118:1-2, 19-29 and Mark 11:1-11

My Street Manifesto

2009-04-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

We are all equally in need of food to live.

We all require a good night's sleep in order to be our best.

We all go to the bathroom.

Food, shelter, bathrooms and showers are a need, not a privilege. And though we may not be aware of it, we are all equally dependent on others for access to these rights. Those who work are dependent upon people buying goods and services, banks that recognize their pay as legal tender and to the government that requires they receive a minimum wage. Those who shop in grocery stores are dependent upon countless farmers, truckers, and the stores that recognize their cash, credit or check as worthy of exchange for food. Those who live under a shelter are dependent upon governments who recognize their right to be there and others who honor their ownership, vacancy or rental agreements.

There are some who are said to have less right to food, shelter, bathrooms and showers. Others choose not to recognize what they have to offer as a contribution worthy of the vital nutrients and care that their body needs to stay healthy and alive. Others decide what type of food, shelter, bathrooms and showers would be best for them, allowing them no choice or ability to honor the particular needs of their body.

Yet because we are all dependent, none of us can be sure of the future or if others will someday decide that our contributions are worthy of access to food, shelter, bathrooms and showers (let alone the other things we require).

Bodies come in a variety of abilities, shapes, sizes and colors. Whenever possible it is best to let people choose what is right for their body. That is why we must not only ensure that all people have access and choice about the food, shelter, bathrooms and showers they use, but also share skills and listen to those whose needs are different from our own.

Join the Welcome Ministry, a life changing community of San Franciscans responding to poverty one person, one sidewalk, one city at a time. Together we can acknowledge and celebrate the ways we are independently dependent upon one another.

April 11, 2009 Last Day Reflection

2009-04-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

When Kay laid bleeding in the street, she broke the final barrier between our perceived sense of safety and the reality that chaos, unknown and lack of shelter is a reality for all of us.

Trained as a clown and circus performer, she is the most qualified among us to take that trip down the rabbit hole. Mended with two staples and a bit of glue, she bears the physical mark of bodies hitting the concrete the rest of us will be discovering our internal bruises for long after this retreat.

For me, the reminder and remembering of violence and harassment towards women and the way I can be polite to those who abuse me but jump in front of a cane that's being swung like a baseball bat towards another.

Where do the generations and cycles of abuse find that famed space of "enough?" It is after all this illusive "enough" that we are all chasing: to be people with out want for less or need for more; to be people who help others find the "enough" we ourselves are still working, bleeding and crying for.

There are no easy answers or even easy questions. Though after seven days living on the streets and in the shelters, in the priceless joy of free and found parties and in the agony of abuse, addiction and loneliness I have in the fact had enough.

At least until next year.

to be continued

2009-04-11T02:08:00.000-07:00

Will post final thoughts on Saturday as I just got home from the ER because of a freak stilting accident that caused a head ( not mine) and sidewalk collision.

Day 6 April 9, 2009: be thou my feet

2009-04-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today is Maundy Thursday, so I not only had my feet washed, but I also had them massaged by the Care Through Touch Institute that provides healing touch for the poor. Yet, today was more than just a day of beautiful metaphor and calling to help and serve one another, it was also a day when my anger about the lack of safety for others turned into anger for the lack of safety for myself.

I'm not talking about physical safety (grandma, please take a sigh of relief). Rather, I'm talking about the emotional abuse and harassment women are taught to face daily and required to respond with kindness and passivity. The kind of thing that happens on a full moon. I have been noticing that the manic kindness and hostile anger that the shelter staff hurls towards the residents of the shelter are the same as an abusive parent. At least they put me in the space of being a scared five year old around my alcoholic father, hoping that if I didn't move or wasn't noticed that things would be fine.

The emotional trauma of a shelter, meant to be sanctuary, that entrenched the abusive dynamics which lead many of these women to be here in the first place, is not charity. It is not something for which they ought to be grateful. Nor is it anything anyone ought to endure for a roof over their head.

The prayers of Judith come to mind tonight. The wail of Legion, whose trauma upon trauma keep him home captive and alone, yearning for healing and companionship.

Feet that are not dirty, need not to be washed. So, bring your tired, your weary, your muddy and bloody to the water that seeks to prepare you to face the death that stalks us all.

We sing:
Be thou my feet and guide my walking
Be thou my eyes that I might see
Open my heart give me compassion
Hear my cry and answer me

Day 5: diva of God(Dess)

2009-04-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

"I'm interested in diamonds, not this chaos," said the woman at the shelter observing two woman fighting in line for breakfast. I've begun to notice that all of the fights and drama I've witnessed at the shelter have been insighted by the inconsistancy of staff "rules." Last night a woman was removed from the shelter loudly and in the midst of the cold night because she has nightmares and eats in her sleep. The yelling caused by this incident caused several women to have nightmares and several others to yell as well.

This was counterbalanced by the evening worship service that the women had celebrating Easter. Two women and a man came to lead a service one a pastor that was recently laid off. The sermon was surprisingly touching, but my desire for a bit of hope in this space must have helped. The sermon had great messages to encourage the women to look in their hearts to see what types of behaviors and relationships they needed to let die so that they could be healthy. I confess I was surprised that I didn't hear a litany of sins they should address. Normally on street retreat I discover that the only people actually talking about faith with the homeless are much more conservative and literal than I happen to be. The creepy part of the service is that the man took the women aside in corners where they couldn't be seen for a hugging prayers that seemed a bit creepy (but possibly well intentioned).

This afternoon we also had a wonderful celebration of Carmen's 25th year as a Franciscan sister using things we found or begged for on the streets. From condom balloons to inflatable ostrich costumes it was an amazing time. It's the kind of creative celebration that is always possible, but doesn't always happen I'm such a busy world.

My feet (still on the same pair of socks) are very angry with me. They feel like the are going to crack each time I move them. Taking a shower this morning felt amazing, though it was hard to enjoy since I had to keep an eyeon my clothing so they didn't get stolen. While I'm still in the same clothes a new pair of underwear makes me feel clean. Publicly accessible bathrooms am showers are a vital health need for our communities. But this week I've learned that bathrooms aren't enough- toilet paper is also required!

One of the most needed items from our guests is bags: duffel bags, rolling bags, purses, backpacks. Carrying a bag all day and seeing the wear and tear a bag can go through helps me to see how crucial this necessity is. So got extra bags you don't need? Bring them or mail them to the Welcome Ministry (1751 Sacramento St, San Francisco CA 94109) along with adult clothing of all types.

Tonight I pray for everyone working towards recovery from addiction, affliction, health problems, failed relationships and failed thinking. God(dess) help us to let go of the past and to live in the present trusting firmly in support of the earth below us. Blessings upon blessings (Happy Passover)

Day four, April 7, 2009:

2009-04-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

Snores flooded the shelter last night. At 5am the cook woke us up to let us know, she wasn't going to wake us up. She also let us know a little girl who was missing was found molested and in a beer barrel I the middle of a lake. Good morning to you too. At first I wondered if she just didn't know how to wake people up without insighting trauma. Then I realized that the terror obsessed news cycle wakes every morning news watcher up in the same traumatizing way.

I spent some time at the hospitality house where the community can make art for free. Partly to avoid the rain and partly because I wanted a quit space to sit. I forget this wonderful place is so near to my condo, and forget to make time for art in the midsts of my busy schedule.

Yet my cultural contemplation as an intersex resident of the shelter is getting yelled at, but it's hard to tell what for. If I were going to yell, I'd yell about the lack of toilet paper in the bathrooms, the missing stall door in the communal bathroom, the fact that they don't even give soap to the 20 or so women who stay here (for hand washing or showers). You can get a towel if you give them your ID. Perhaps we should have a bill of rights that say all people are entitled a respectful place to go to the bathroom.

Each time you go to a hotel save collect the toiletries each night and donate them to the local organizations that serve the homeless. And if you buy those ginormous packs I toilet paper at a bulk warehouse type of place donate a roll or to to the organizations that work with the poor. Oh how happy I'd be to come across some two-ply about now.

Tonight I'm saying a special prayer for all the musicians who play music in the subways. I sang in BART tonight and got some love and some cash. May God(dess) remove the scales from our eyes and the earphones from our ears so we can hear the music that is all around us. The rhythmical snoring is a prayer of a few women safe enough to sleep tonight, out of the rain - for now.

Day three April 6, 2009:

2009-04-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

This morning at 5am I awoke to the words of a woman gesturing a butcher knife as she spoke. She told us we were sleeping in a cafeterina. Like all the other workers the night before, she told us we shouldn't be there and how much of a burden we were to her. Then she told us we should be grateful.

My mom and grandmother are afraid that something will happen to me in the streets. And it is in the "shelter" where I ought to be safe that I'm confronted with a knife and told what to do. This all triggered my childhood memories of abuse and yelling at night. Trained in helping people heal from post traumatic stress disorder I have a release for these feelings, and I wanted to fight for others who don't have the same resources.

Women's shelters tend to be places where women with bruised and broken histories come to rest. But in a space where the staff communicates only by yelling with rules that are ever changing, how can anyone rest. Let alone the fact that the tv and lights are left on. Or that male staff members come through the space, only bother yelling "man on the floor" if you meet their eyes as they state at the women.

My body and got yearn to create a true sanctuary, where peoples bodies are honored, their traumas are healed and their stomachs and Spirit's are fed. Perhaps this is a much greater longing for peace my fully expressed as shalom.

Today I pray for and remember the saints who have put their bodies on the line so their children won't get beaten, for the anger management classes that seek to calm storms and for those who enforce restraining orders. And for those who are so desperately alone (which may be a space that lives deep within all of us), I pray for connection. May the mother earth hold us and keep us anchored. May father time be gracious moving us on. Thanks for heartbeats, the ever present miricle.

What is the thing you have, that the world needs? Would you share it, if I asked?

Also, please donate socks (white with athletic gray), two days in my current pair and my feet have started to sting. I hope to find some tommow if I can.

Day two: seeking shelter from the shelter

2009-04-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

I'm writting from inside the shelter. After a long day that began with preaching at the Swedenborgian congregation. Palm Sunday's beautiful combination of glory/honor and impending suffering seems the perfect pairing of my day. I am highly aware of my privledge on this journey. In fact I'm getting paid to do this and got paid to preach this morning. And I'm aware from the pain on the other women's faces that there us a world of difference between my experience and theirs. And yet the pain in my back, neck and feet is still very real. So with humility I write tonight out of the experience that is mine in hopes that it sparks compassion and new insights in others.

Tonight I was aware that I was entering something beyond my comfort. Upon arriving at the shelter I got nothing but yelling. The staff was angry we had been sent there and made the physically younger of us carry our mats downstairs. The yelling caused me to flee. I had to get out and take a break before the 10:00 curfew. Don't get me wrong, I'm used to getting yelled at. And I can certainly take it, but I couldn't take it that in the midst of such obvious fear and vulnerability that there could be such anger from those charged with keeping us safe.

Yesterday two of my friends from the Welcome Ministry burst into tears when they saw me, because they said everyone else was mean to them. I think tonight I would burst into tears if I was able to get a hug from Pastor Megan too. I know there are others out there who work with compassion and kindness in unimaginable conditions, but tonight on this mat it doesn't really feel that way.

Sleep well tonight all. Prayers to all (indoors and out) that don't feel safe as they try to sleep tonight. May the God(dess) who steals horses to ride through town on the way to greet a lynch mob protect us all - from the lowest mats, to the highest astronauts!

Day One: clean feet head for the dumpster

2009-04-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

I was already exhausted when I began my time on the streets. I had only been home for one day after a trip to South Dakota to lead a training at a church in Vermillion. My street retreat began differently this year, I found myself with a small group of homeless in front of the Welcome Ministry and I just listened as they told me what I should do in the streets. Then I saw Dominics feet, with dirt so hardly enmeshed between his toes. So I began by washing his feet. I scrub with warm water collected on the top of a take out tray, some soap found in a dumpster and an old t-shirt as a towel. As I rubbed his feet and covered them with lotion he told me about his dreams for communitee. His desire that everyone play music and experience joy. He ministered to me as I tenderly admitted the dirt could come of with just one washing. And after I dried each foot I kissed them as a symbol of peace to guide his walking.

Then dominic took me to his favorite dumpsters, should me where the good cardboard is waiting like money. Behind the guitar center he thought we might find the parts we would need to make a guitar. Later Morgan and I went with him as he brought discarded items he found along the road to friends who lived in single room occupancy (Sro) hotel rooms. And we waited in line at Glide for lunch. Allergic to dairy, all I could eat were French fries (that tasted like bacon) and oranges. We also got sack lunches, because no one feeds on Friday nights.

I'm trying to figure out how to sign up for a shelter. The city changed everything as budgets got slashed. I think I can't even try to get in until Tuesday. So I gathered some cardboard from the spit dominic showed us and we're getting ready to bunk down for the night. I'm preaching in the morning (palm Sunday) at the swedenborgian church. So I hope to get a goo nights sleep and that my peanutbutter sandwich sustains me through the night!

Day Seven: October 24, 2008- The Lord Be With You

2008-10-24T23:06:00.000-07:00

"The Lord be with you," he said.

Then he continued to recite the communion liturgy as he swigged his beer, and smoked a hand rolled cigarette. He said he learned everything he knew about church from Phyllis, "you know, from St. Francis.". Then it hit me, I'm his pastor. Not only because I am a missionary to the poor, but because, as he says, "I was the first homeless person to ever become a member of St. Francis."

Phylis touched his heart.

We met while waiting for dinner at UN Plaza. We heard there would be food. Soon, the manna truck arrived. We wanted food, but we also saw they had socks and toiletries we could use as well. So we thought we wait and see what happened next. A jesus rock name changed a couple of songs to have words about stomping out the devil. Them the sermon came telling us about Jesus' dominion over everything, calling us to have dominion over everything... If we believed. They also said that if we had Jesus we wouldn't have addiction and that of we got saved, we would have power.

I appreciate the hope and the comfort they were bringing to people who had little to hope for. Four participated in the altar call. But after an hour it really felt like we were being held hostage and could only get food if we let them touch us and pray over us. We got food, the most disgusting of the trip to date (note in the picture on the left that they actually gave me a partially eaten cookie!). At least I got a pair of socks out of the deal. My feet really needed it!

Services like there are one of the biggest reasons why it is important for me to talk about faith with the homeless. When the only people ever talking to them about God(dess), are only out to shame them and tell them that everything bad that has ever happened to them is because of their lack of faith. It's a spiritual abuse of power!

After the service the sharing of goods and toiletries was out of control. Some homeless people got four bags each because the kids handing out the bags never bothered to look up, so they didn't even notice. Meanwhile most people didn't get anything. Maybe that was because of their lack of faith too.

So on this, the last night I sleep on the cold hard concrete, I remember Robert who created communion with me, without bread or wine or socks. I remember Phylis and the folks at St Francis, who called me, never knowing that the seed of faith they planted would minister to me tonight on these streets.

Blessings to all of you who have been following by journies on the streets and praying for me. And all you San Franciscans, please make a fuss when the city and the Chronicle try to tell you that the shelters emain empty and the homeless won't accept help. Don't let them close more shelters this year. Let's find out why seniors and disabled individuals don't have access to the shelters. And let's solve homelessness, one person, one sidewalk and one city at a time.

Day Six- Oct 23rd: No Male Priveledge on the Streets

2008-10-23T21:57:00.001-07:00

Today my search for a shelter bed began early. At 9 am the homeless outreach team came (see above) and told me people are not allowed to lay down in front of city hall. They promised me a shelter bed and whisked me away in a van. They told me of I waited at a drop I center until 5 pm I would get a bed. Well, first they said I could have a bed if I would accept a female bed. I said "no," and when I came back at 4:30, they said they had no beds and I should go wait at the drop in shelter that I had been waiting at for the last couple of days, waiting for 6 hours and leaving with nothing.

It was one of the most degrading experiences of my life to hear them, with such good hearts, knowing the right thing, but processing it out loud in an unfortunate way: "she has to stay in that bed," "he the doesn't want a womans bed"... "No she doesn't because she is a man, and he doesn't have to stay there" and on and on for about an hour. The person who was the wortst at keeping pronouns straight took me over to the front desk of the shelter and told them not to disrespect my gender, that my name as Ryan and they should make sure to get me a bed in the men's side.

All of that and no bed.

Hours later at the library, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. In the mens room I am confined to using a stall, and there are very few of them. After waiting more than an hour for a stall, I was pretty sure no one was coming out of them anytime soon. I gave in, and used the womans room. I was followed in by a police officer who looked me up and down before muttering "well alright."

I just want shelter. But our system is designed to protect women and children. "Male priveledge" does not exist when you are homeless. And it is still strangely true that I am read as female more often when I'm packing and binding then in my normal life and I am not.

What a strangely gendered day!

Tonight I think of the tough choices my trans kin have to make in order to survive on the streets, may they all be warm tonight!

DayFive- Oct 22: Waiting and Hoping

2008-10-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

It's just after 10 pm and I've been waiting for a shelter bed for four hours. I had to again change my sex in the computer system, now the third time. While filling out the paper work they called me "she" and then asked if I wanted a women's shelter when I asked them to send me somewhere safe for transpeople.

It's hard to know if staying in the shelter or on the streets is safer. Last night the was almost a knife fight when a regular was upset when someone new was in his turf. Though I wasn't in real physical danger, it's east to see how the end of the month has created a higher need for support and a squeeze for shelter and sidewalk space.

Today the uncomfortableness caught up with me. I found my childhood trauma was triggered and I was remembering and connected to the feelings of the time I was homeless when I was five. Though all the details are fuzzy, I can feel vividly those feelings I felt so long ago, when my mother, brother and I fled the abuse of my father.

I'm not sure what the resolution will be to these feelings. For now I just sit with it and feel what I have felt be for- though in a situation of much less control and much less awareness of what was happening around me. Today I saw children on the streets for the first time on this trip. There were two watching as there older brother was shooting up. Hopefully they are safe tonight. They came in about an hour ago to use the bathroom. Knowing where I have come and how I am able to serve others out of some of the healthy baggage I gained in my childhood, I can only pray that they will survive the swirling chaos that surrounds them.

I'm also aware that the 83 year old women was back waiting for shelter. After four hours she stopped waiting. I hope she found a safe place to go to wait out the night.

In many ways, the binding and packing makes me no different from any other of the more than 3000 that are sleeping in San francisco shelters and the countless thousands of others who are out in the streets. I trust that the God(dess) that knows the number of hairs on our heads and thinks of us more times then there as grains of sand is moving us along the arch of justice to a time when pain and suffering will cease. Until then we are left to do what we can to lighten the load. I hope that people like you will support the Welcome Ministry, so I can spend more time demanding justice, helping the hungry feed their bellies, and take a step closer to homes, community and a health sense of self- rather than fundraising. I feel convicted by the things that I have seen, and called to be a part of the re-humanizing of this city.

It's now 10:32, and I still have no shelter. They just handed out chips, I think it is my parting gift. Guess I better think about where I'm going to sleep after they kick me out of here in twenty minutes. Back to the streets...

Day four- October 21: Hunger and thirst for righteousness.

2008-10-21T18:07:00.000-07:00

St. Francis Lutheran decided they would rather call me a missionary to the homeless in San Francisco than a pastor. Missionary sounds more like someone who is living with those they serve, seeking to work together for solutions. It also sounds like a missionary exists only until there are no more homeless.

I like to believe that this week on the streets is a part of my missionary work, part of listening for solutions to homelessness and being with rather than for.

I hunger and thirst for righteousness. These words have taken on a new meaning this week. There is the longing and unknowing about where my next meal with come from. There is the witnessing of unimaginable injustices. There is the weight that my call is to be the voice with and for those I sleep and eat with on this journey. And there is the sense in my mind that others are awake to homelessness in a new way because I am here on the streets.

So many have become numb to the homeless. As if we have to stop seeing them because it is too painful to admit what kind of society/humans we really are. We are letting our grandmothers sleep on the streets. We kick them out at 11pm telling them there are no shelter beds, only to learn later that there were empty beds in all the shelters that night (Ramu's shelter had four empty beds that night).

We are a society that crams hundreds of hunger souls into a dingy church basement. We are a society that is more focused on our own need for an iPhone (this is of course how I am able to blog and take photos on the street) when the Welcome Ministry's entire food budget for the year to feed more than 5,000 meals is the cost of 2 iPhones.

We are a society that expects hungry, tired, homeless people to sit still and behave so they can have a few crumbs during and after the service, only enough food to remind you that your hungry.

Jesus said "just as you have done it to the least of these, you have done it to me." (Matthew 25:40). So, I am on these streets to un-numb you. Perhaps you are thinking about the homeless in a new way. Perhaps you notice them for the first time in years, or see them for the first time through my photos.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad or to shame you, but to remind us all, to remind myself, that we can do so much better than this!

Today I learned unexpected lessons:
Why men are always adjusting themselves;
Why I would make surgery a top priority if I had to constantly bind and pack;
How to incorporate potstickers into a soup;
How to get free curry every Tuesday night;
The joy of an unexpectd cost from a loved one;
How volunteering can be a small haven for control, freedom and joy;
How a simple soy hot chocolate can make your whole day...

Okay I've known the last one for a while now.

I also learned how no matter how long you sleep, that if it's on concrete you'll be consistently tired.

Tonight I calibrate the small joys, time for dancing, laughing and how quickly joy can turn to weeping and gnashing of teeth... Then back to joy with a wine and chip party in front of the church.

Day three- oct 20: justice, justice

2008-10-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

כ צֶדֶק צֶדֶק, תִּרְדֹּף--לְמַעַן תִּחְיֶה וְיָרַשְׁתָּ אֶת-הָאָרֶץ, אֲשֶׁר-יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ נֹתֵן לָךְ. {ס} 20

Justice, justice shalt thou follow, that thou mayest live, and inherit the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. {S} (Deuteronomy 16:20)

After waiting for five hours in chairs we weren't allowed to stand up from, forty of us (including a man with no legs and and 83 year old woman) were told at 11 pm that we wouldn't be getting a room in the inn. It was freezing out, despite my three layers, a hat and a scarf. The night minister brought me another hat and a flannel.

Around midnight I finally got to rest. Tonight, I was able to avoid the constant numbness that kept waking me up to remind me of the dull ache of the sidewalk. At 6am I rose and headed off to Glide for breakfast.

After breakfast I joined a clergy gathering to encourage people to vote no on prop 8. Bishop Holmerud spoke. The rabbi who spoke reminded us all that Deuteronomy calls us to justice, justice. Stated twice so we will remember it is justice not only for ourselves but also for others.

It reminds me that part of my journey is to call you, others anld politicians to wake up to the way we are abandoning the poor and our elders, trampling the disabled and consuming our earth.

Justice, justice!

"Are you a drag queen?" I was asked as I waited for a shelter. Proof that I have indeed only taken one step on the gender scale. I am now being read as a man dressing as a woman. He invited others over to guess my gender before he finally concluded that whatever I was, he liked it. Clearly a sexual advance, I noticed that this was somehow a type of sexual harassment I had yet to experience on the streets. As a female sexual harassment was demeaning and designed to put me in a lower position as the man in the bathroom had also tried to do.

But this gave me power, sexual power. For the first time I could see how sex work could be liberating. And at the same time I continued to note how much acceptance of trans folk becomes a fetish.

I think I have much more to think about around these issues, but tonight I remember that Jesus said that the sex workers would go ahead of us in heaven. I remember, Ruth, Tamar, Deborah and all the other ferocious women of scripture. And I remember the woman who was older than my grandmother who may still be waiting for shelter.

Day Two - Oct 19:

2008-10-19T18:36:00.000-07:00

It's amazing today how much the permission to be male has allowed me to express my feminine side. My longing for "male privilege" is less about abandoning a feminist ideal for the sake of gaining a power over others, than it is a deep desire to be seen as the self I would like to self identify as. It is a consciousness to avoid the stereotypes of gender and to be be outwardly intentional about my expression.

This is of course one of the ways that my gender queerness, my sense of being simultaneously dual gendered, departs from the experience and expression of my transsexual kin. I never grew up thinking that my body ought to look physically male, rather that I want to be seen that way "as is."

So it should be noted, that I am not working to "pass" or living "stealth" ... To the contrary, I am living on the streets these 7 days one step on the other side of gender queerness.

Before I was a masculine woman. Today I am an effeminate boy (I cleary don't bear the physical marks of male puberty.

I'm currently sitting in the waiting room to see if I will get a shelter bed. I had to change my gender in the computers twice in order to do so. Two workers were amazingly supportive. One even told me I could be any gender I want any night I want. Another worker started calling me "her" each time she talked to me.

In honesty, it is hard to know if I am getting a glimpse at the gender awareness of the San Francisco shelter system, or if this will serve more as a glimpse into the spaces of gender bias in myself that I have yet to explore. I imagine I'll find both.

I've already begun to notice that I fear physical violence from men more than women and that I expect men to be aggressive. I wonder how much of the talk about ganitalia that people are having with me is about the sexualization of trans folk or just a difference in the amount of sexualized conversations men have. Or, probably also my training that as a female born person, that men aren't allowed to have those conversations with me, despite the fact that those assumptions and negative comments are made about men all the time without comment.

I should say that I'm not trying to recreate any one trans experience. My goal is to learn more about myself, the gender spectrum and poverty in San Francisco.

So, tonight as I see my observations and wait for word of shelter to get out of the cold, I pray to the God(dess) that lives in the questions. That swirling chaos of wind that blows life into bones.

Day One - Saturday October 18: One Bread, One Body

2008-10-18T20:14:00.000-07:00

"Hey lady, spare some change?"

Despite the places I've bound and packed, I still get called female as much as I used to be called male (which ironically when I wasn't packing, was more often).

My day started with leading bible study (on Isaiah 56) and worship at the synod's hunger workshop. It was great to be with them, to have a free meal and some to take with me to share with the other fools who are living on the streets with me this week.

If anyone noticed that I was packing, they didn't say anything to me. But, I'm not really sure how that would come up in the context of a communion service.

It was a great feeling to take the remaining communion bread to the streets with me to share with the homeless, as Luther used to do after his services.

One bread, one body.

My body, on the other hand is already upset. Not in the way I expect it will be after a week of sleeping on the streets and in the shelters, but it is certainly rebelling. My shoulders and neck are throbbing from the frogbra (or perhaps from wearing a stiff clergy collar), which binds my breasts tightly to my body. They are indeed closer than ever before, but they are not very well supported vertically.

My lips throb from the outbreak of coldsores (about 12) that sprouted on my lip from the stress of trying to get enough work to be able to have the privilege of being homeless.

So, I begin noticing my body, and noticing how others notice (or fail to) my body. Tonight as I brushed my teeth in the men's room at the church (which was open for a speed dating event), a man confronted me. It's funny because the use of the men's room is always a priviledge that I have wondered why I want. If you've never been in one before, I referring to the fact that men's rooms are usually smaller, smellier and very messy.

Tonight this man finished at the urinal and exclaimed "I didn't know this was a unisex bathroom!" to which I retorted, "actually in San Francisco anyone is allowed to use the bathroom of their choice despite their appearance and gender indentity." "Well, they should change the sign then, so it doesn't say Men's," he said with a scowl.

"Hi, my name is ryan, it's nice to meet you," I responded. With a huff he fled the bathroom.

One of the fools who witnessed the event asked "does that happen to you a lot?" I told her, that that was my experience almost every time I use a bathroom. Women tend to be more verbally aggressive, but the men can get physical.

It's true, regardless of where I have flat places or bulging spaces, I always have a sense of fear when I use the public bathroom. An act that most people get to consider private, tends to be discussed publically and confrontationally when I enter bathrooms. Recently, I had the staff of the Welcome Ministry and Old First watch the Toilet Training Video so they could learn more about bathroom discrimination. I recommend it to anyone who would like to learn more about how bathroom discrimination affects not only trans people, but also people with disabilities and women.

I always thought it was funny that bathrooms could become a big deal. If we actually believed that people in dresses should be in one room and people in pants in another, then perhaps we could spend less time trying to imagine how private flesh under those garments matched the hair length and voice pitch of people who are just trying to take care of a bodily function.

So, tonight I think about The Bible, that gets that since the time that there were bodies, that there were body image problems (nakedness, the garden, shame). I also remember the many saints that when on spiritual journeys who were born men, but lived, dressed and were named men.

Today I think how far the world has come since the time that Joan of Arc was burned at the stake for wearing pants. They actually took her out of the fire half way through to reveil her breasts to the crowd, as an example of what the punishment for trans-gressing gender was.

Sister Susan told me that when she was wearing a habit (years ago) that they were told to bind their breasts to conceal their sex/uality, and thus enhance their faithfulness.

And I pray that no matter how our bodies fold or hang, whether we are proud or ashamed of our flesh that we love each other, not just how we see them but also how they choose to see, name and dress themselves.

Invitation to join me on the streets for a week, starting Saturday October 18

2008-10-16T14:23:00.000-07:00

Greetings friends who have followed my street retreats in the past, or who are interested in learning about my retreat for the first time.

If you don't know me, my name is Rev. Megan Rohrer and I am the director of the Welcome Ministry in San Francisco, where I have been eating with and journeying with the chronically homeless (many who have been homeless for more than 25 years).

Each year for the past six years, I have been going on street retreats - to live in the Tenderloin. This is a journey I regularly take with a group called the Faithful Fools. I have had various motivations that have led me to the streets. Certainly, these retreats inform my work with the homeless throughout the rest of the year. But, because the retreat also includes twice daily reflection, it also becomes one of the most self revelatory times of my year.

Street retreat helps me to feel in my bones what it means to say "no" to guests requests, the ache of sleeping on the sidewalk, and the severe mental toll of my mere glimpse into what others are stuck in for far too long.

While I have entered my retreat with different expectations each year, I have found one thing is often the same: my retreat is an embodied living of all my stereotypes of the homeless I am living and working with.

When I thought homeless people were smelling and go to a lot of free meal sights, I became very smelling ate at a lot of different meal sites. When I thought the homeless panhandled a lot and ate out, I panhandled a lot and ate out at every meal. When I thought that homeless people stayed in one space and had a lot of freedom, I stayed in one place and had a lot of freedom.

As I listen to the stories of the homeless, I know that there are as many ways to be homeless as there are homeless people. I also know that the knowledge that I have a warm bed to come home to at the end of my week and a job waiting for me. It is not possible for me to escape these limitations of my power and privilege. Acknowledging this, here is how I seek to retreat to the streets this year...

Acknowledge my biases and with constant reflection on how I am holding myself apart and the ways I am choosing to connect to life on the streets, I seek to embrace vulnerability in my body to learn more about my truest self, and to work mightily to walk with each step moving me a step closer to God(dess).

In my past year working with our homeless guests, I have found that there is one aspect that I need to learn more about: my transgender brothers and sisters living on the streets. This is a journey to not only learn more about our guests, but also myself.

Before I was born my name was Ryan. A heart monitor told the doctor that I was a boy. When I was born the first words exclaimed were "oops" when the doctor saw that my body was female. For three days I was baby girl Rohrer, until I was named Megan.

I love my body and the life that I have lived, but I deeply believe that my gender queerness is not an "oops." I believe that both my heart and my body got it right. Yet in the world we live in, people tend to judge people's bodies without seeing their heart.

Today, I embrace both the male and female sides of my life.

So this year on street retreat I have decided to pass as male and go by Ryan. I hope this will be a way for me to expose my heart more fully to the streets. I ask you to join me in this journey, as I learn more about what it is like for my trans kin living on the streets and for my own personal gender expressions.

Each day I will be reflecting about my experiences on this blog at: http://mystreetretreat.blogspot.com/

I hope you will pray with me, think about your own naming stories and share with me your experiences, fears and joys about my street retreat experience.

Blessings

Rev. Megan Rohrer
Director
The Welcome Ministry

Fool For God(dess)'s Sake: Friday, March 16th

2007-03-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

Reflections:

If you have been reading all of my reflections to this point, you may have noticed that my reflections are getting shorter. Perhaps, I am just running out of things to say. I think the real truth is that I am getting tired. Though my body is feeling strong and alive and doesn’t seem to mind all the trekking from breadline to breadline, I have found that my mind is getting tired. The hot sun (predicted to reach 80 today) takes a lot out of this pasty mid-western bred pastor. I am used to spending all my time indoors working, doing counseling and typing away into a computer.

I would have thought that it would be less tiring to just lay about in the sun all day and to do whatever I please, but my mind is as foggy as a June evening in San Francisco.

This morning I did some panhandling at the BART (subway) station. I got an oversized set of wooden hands the night before that had been calling to me. They looked a lot like begging hands. So I held them out to those who were busily heading to work.

I figured that everyone needed a set of hands that were bigger than their own to hold what was too much for them to carry.

It was fun to see the looks on people’s faces when they saw my oversized hands. Some did a double take. Some laughed mightily out loud. Some put some change in it. Some put bigger bills. Some said I should go to the hospital and get my hands looked at. One man told me I should be sent to war (I don’t know what that meant, but I’m assuming it’s not good). Some people winked at me.

It’s amazing how easy it was to do something unexpected and how much joy it was able to bring to people who usually walk to work like expressionless zombies. Later I heard some of the members of the Faithful Fools talk about how they like to walk through the war protests backwards (against the crowd) holding a sign that said: “Fools for peace.” They said that marching the other way hadn’t got us very far in the war effort and they wanted to try something different.

One of the fools, whose clown name is “Afraid,” told me that he wanted to make a statement about some of the ridiculous things that we do for the sake of our fears. So, once he took his clown (minus the 4ft stilts) on the airplane. The airport security line brings up many fears, and lot of rules have been created because of these fears. Sometimes the rules are to make us feel better even if they are not really needed from a security standpoint (like taking off your shoes – only a few shoes meet the criteria to make them dangerous enough to need to be x-rayed). Some of the rules make no sense to anyone (like putting your toiletries in a baggy – even the security people can’t figure out if that is a real protection or not).

In wearing his clown outfit through security and being “Afraid.” He is now on the heightened security list. Some times having a little fun comes at a cost. Maybe airport security is not a joking matter. But, what good is it to be human if we cannot laugh with each other? If we were all able to laugh together, would we still be able to kill each other?

It seems like in our serious Lenten journeys that we sometimes forget to take some time to stop do something out of the ordinary. Lent is the time of shaking up our stale lives and re-orienting them towards God. After all, it seems to me that God(dess) had to do something out of the ordinary to shake us up so that we could receive the gift of grace. I hope you do something unexpected today (and every day) for God(dess)’s sake!

Prayers:
Today I remember the birthday of Jen Nagel, member of the ECP Roster who is awaiting call. Today I pray that we have another ordination soon - perhaps in San Francisco again!!! As I approach my last night on the street, I pray that the hundreds of millions of other homeless individuals across the globe could find shelter and sanctuary. I also pray that all the folk who have been working so hard to promote the life and ministry of Lutheran Lesbian and Gay Ministries may find the end of their wilderness journey and find that we have become the church we wish to be in the world. AMEN.

Simple Pleasures: Thursday, March 15th

2007-03-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

Reflection:
Yesterday was a day of simple pleasures: a shower; warm hot chocolate; my toes in the grass, the UN water fountain; a visit from my girlfriend and a few kisses; all the children eating their lunch in the park; kettle popcorn from the farmer’s market; a visit from a clown who brought wine, cheese and crackers; watching people at the mall; almost getting kicked out of Bath and Body Works for using too many of the free samples; and lots of laughter.

All this fun I have been having is a good reminder that if I can give my body and my mind good self care on the streets, then I should not have a hard time when I am living indoors and working at the church. I can think of all the times that I have thought that I was too busy, or that the needs of the homeless are more emergent and need more focus than my own self care.

While it is true that grant and sermon writing has firm deadlines and the homeless are in desperate need, all people are entitled to quality care – even my self. Jesus is a good example. He was always taking his disciples off to retreats in the wilderness – even though every time he tried to get away people would still come and find him and surround him so much that he would get pushed into a boat and have to talk to them from the water. And he just kept on retreating to the wilderness for silence and prayer.

This morning the security guard who woke me up at the church (tonight sleeping on the cold concrete steps rather than on the soft grass below the tree in the back) gave me a dollar. So, now I have about $1.50 in my pockets. While there is not much that one can buy for $1.50, it’s great to have a little bit of money in my pockets so that I can dream about all the things that I could buy. He seems to be softening a bit each morning. I wonder what will happen today?

Prayers:
Today I remember the feast day of St. Longinus the Centurion (According to the Old Roman Calendar, also celebrated on Oct. 16th in the Orthodox Calendar). St. Longinus is known as being the Centurion that pierced Jesus' side and the Centurion who notes "surly this is man is the Son of God." Some scholars have also wondered if this is the same centurian that Jesus meets in the Gospel of Luke and cures his slave/boy.

As Fr. Johh O'Neill has pointed, there are several aspects to this story which might lend it to a queer reading. In the first place it seems somewhat odd that a centurion would be so caring about a slave, caring enough to risk ridicule by approaching a Jewish miracle worker for help. The underlying Greek text intensifies this suspicion of a possible same-sex relationship. Tom Horner, author of David Loved Jonathan: Homosexuality in Biblical Times, points out that in Matthew, the earlier account and directed to a Greek-speaking Jewish audience, the word for servant is "pais" - which means "boy", but can also mean "servant", and, given the rather greater than average concern for a servant demonstrated by the centurion, can also mean "lover". The word "pederasty" for instance derives from "pais". Luke, who was writing in a much more Greek milieu changes the word "pais" to the much more neutral "doulos" ("servant" or "slave"), presumably aware of its homosexual implications to any reader with a Greek cultural background. Jesus, clearly, does not condemn the centurion in this story of faith.

So, today I pray for all of the queer saints who may or may not have articulated their sexual or gender identity in a contemporary way. I pray that we could all become more fluent in the queer history of God(dess), the Bible and the God(dess)’s people. AMEN.

Dirt That Cannot Be Cleaned: Wednesday, March 14th

2007-03-14T21:24:00.000-07:00

Reflections:
Though I have broken my vows a million times...
Though I have broken my vows a million times...
Though I have broken my vows a million times...

Last night I realized that in the past four years when I have been on street retreat I have only be living out my own stereotypes of what it is like to be homeless. When I believed that homeless people suffer all the time, then I spent 7 days suffering. When I believed that the homeless spent all their time going from food line to lines for other services, then I spent my time going from food lines to lines for other services. When I believe that being homeless was being miserable in the rain, then I spent my time being miserable in the rain. I faced hopelessness, I have become mean and snappy, I have hoarded items that I may need some other time. I dug through garbage cans to find bus transfers that had not expired to use the bus. I panhandled (more than $45 this retreat so far – all spent). I sang in the subways. I got smelly. I did all the things that I attributed to homeless people.

And while we all know street people who exhibit these characteristics, there are as many ways to be homeless as are homeless people. I know this from the last four and a half years that I have been listening to stories of the homeless and hungry and the Welcome Ministry and the time that I have spent walking with them.

But yesterday, I figured it out in my body. I kept wondering if I was having too much fun? But, I know homeless people that have a lot of fun. And of course I know people on the other side of the extreme as well, who are so depressed that they run from the things that haunt them into the arms of medications or mental illnesses that allow them to forget – for awhile.

So, today I acknowledge that I am living out my prejudices and that I can only see what I have eyes to see. I seek to let go of my expectations and experience the freedom of the streets. This is not all that there is to being homeless. This is not an exercise in what it would be like if I was permanently homeless – since I walk knowing my privilege. I have someone who will listen when I talk/type and I don’t have to only talk aloud to myself. I have the love and support of friends, family, congregations that have called me and the Lutheran Lesbian and Gay Ministries. I have a condo a few blocks from where I sleep outdoors and of course an impatient kitty who does not understand street retreats.

Though I have broken my vows a million times...
Though I have broken my vows a million times...
Though I have broken my vows a million times...

Three other noticings: I can’t get the dirt out from under my nails no matter how many times I wash them. It reminds me of my grandpa’s nails. He is a mechanic and I never understood why he couldn’t clean the dirt out. I get it now. It’s a great Lutheran symbol for my simultaneous saint and sinner nature. No matter how much I try to make myself clean, I can never make it happen.

Second, I was amazed to see that there were about 50 people waiting eagerly for the library to open this morning. If only the lines at the library equaled the lines at Starbucks every morning. How different would our society be then?

Thirdly, our group of fools have seen different car accidents each day where a car has hit a pedestrian or someone on a bicycle each day for the last three days. I’m beginning to think that I am safer on the sidewalks then in the road. Two of the accidents were hit and runs. This brings us a couple of lessons – 1) watch out for your neighbor; 2) slow down (peace be still); 3) take responsibility for your actions (confess and seek justice)

Prayers:
Today I remember the Japanese Saint Ambrose Fernandez, who was imprisoned for his faith. I remember my own brother Robert who spends his last year in prison in Springfield, South Dakota. And, I remember today that if many of the saints and prophets lived today that they would be imprisoned (either in jail, psych wards or by drugs or addiction). There are a good number of homeless individuals who live on the streets because they not only believe the words of the Bible, but they also live them so completely that they gave up all that they have to follow Jesus/God(dess). What if we all did what is written in Luke/Acts and gave up our property when another in our community was in need?

What if we all did what was written in Mark when Jesus asks the rich young ruler to give up all he has and follow? If we all did this, would we all be homeless? Or, would we be able to trust that when we were in need that our neighbor would do the same for us? Do we trust God(dess) enough to give up all our possessions, retirement funds, insurance policies, nest eggs, bank accounts and "securities?" Pastors that come out of the deep dark closet of the ELCA and come out or who work at congregations that call ECP pastors face the prospect of losing all of these things. Some pastors who are outed lose them too. I might get locked up to if I suggested that we all give these things up - since it is neither reasonable nor practical. Don't get me wrong, I deeply believe that we are only able to take care of others if we are actively taking care of ourselves. Yet, I/we must also be real and confess that I/we do NOT fully trust God(dess) to be our sole source of security.

I pray, trusting in the faith of the Saints who have gone before, that I may be able to live fully in the mystery of God(dess)'s creating love and that I may begin to trust the One who birthed me/us. AMEN.

Food Not Bombs: Tuesday, March 13th

2007-03-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

Reflections:

I am mindful today of the words of Maezumi Roshi: "Have good trust in yourself -- not in the One that you think you should be, but in the One that you are." I seek to strip myself of my external distractions, so that I can gain a clearer understanding of who I am, how I am called to walk in the world and how I can be a part of God(dess)’s work in the world.

I am enjoying the freedom that I have found on the streets: I get to walk slower, when I have no where in particular to go; I have only faith to rely on that I will be given my daily bread; I get to take the time to let others serve me (wash my feet), though it feels so much easier/better for me to serve others; I can do what I want at anytime, because I have no deadlines or people expecting anything from me (except maybe that I write in my blog every day); I can sit at the fountain at UN plaza and read a book; I can drink wine out of a paper bag in front of the church; I can do all the things that I am normally too dignified to do in my professional life (like pee outdoors); and I can lie in the sun with my bare toes in the grass and take a nap in the middle of the day.

I wonder why I don’t do these things all the time? Some of these things are wonderful bits of self care. Some of these things aresimply not done by “civilized people.” The real answer is that it all comes at a cost. I could do what I wanted anytime I wanted, or I could trade in my freedom for a (false) sense of control and a few comforts (like a warm bath, a soft bed, a back that doesn’t ache, the ability not to have to carry everything I own, the ability to be indoors and not get sexually harassed when people see that I am female, to not be considered a threat when people see me as male, to drink a warm soy hot chocolate).

If I eat dairy, I will get sick. So, thank God(dess) for Food Not Bombs! They serve vegan food that is yummy and healthy and I know that it will not make me sick. At their food line in the middle of UN Plaza they bring the food in big white buckets that are toted on the back of bicycles. They say there are not a food line, they are a protest to the way that the government spends its money. They have been around for decades, but their message seems particularly poignant today – particularly since the money that goes to food banks, welfare, librarys and other programs that feed the hearts, minds, Spirits and stomachs of the American people have been slashed in light of the war spending.

Food Not Bombs gets all the ingredients for the food they cook by going into the dumpsters of posh supermarkets, where they only put out the produce that are 100% beautiful and charge people 100% more for them. All that waste. Then Food Not Bombs takes the discarded, imperfect food to the discarded, imperfect people that have been cast out of society – our human litter that we call home-less.

What would happen if at the snap of our fingers the first would become last and the last first? What would happen in the home-less were suddenly home-blessed? Would things get any better? Would we have a world of more compassion? I guess it depends on if we REALLY are longing for the day when pain and suffering ceases and we are all able to eat at the same banquet/communion table? Do you still beleive it's possible?

Prayers:
Today I think of all the homeless that are eating at the Welcome Ministry today and remember that today I am called to be with them in a new way as I join them in the breadlines and as one more warm body on the cold concrete. I pray also for the homeless around the world, those in the Holy land, refugess, those ravaged by war and natural disasters, those who have lost their beloved, and who have lost hope.

I also remember the loving memory of Don H. a wonderful member of Christ Church Lutheran, who had a vigor for life even when his body failed him. I have wonderful memories of his love, especially for teaching, traveling Europe and beautiful cathedrals. May he enjoy eternal rest and everlasting peace with all the saints who have gone before him. AMEN.

Fragile Flesh, Fragile Streets: Monday, March 12th

2007-03-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

Reflection:

What a wonderful thing to be able to sleep out under a tree in the middle of the city, especially because it was far away from the cacophony of anger that swirled around City Hall. However, it is not so wonderful to get kicked out of the tiny space behind First Unitarian today by the security guard. Technically he did not work for the church; he was hired by the Montessori school located there. But, they are only able to keep the guard because the church is complacent to it.

It reminds me of the story of the poor widow whose house is being devoured by the Pharisees. At the temple, she gives her money out of her poverty and goes. A cute little story about how much you can give. A good lesson in stewardship, but how often do we think about what happens to that poor widow after she leaves the temple. With no money and no home does she starve to death? Or, does she choose to sell her own fragile flesh in order to survive? Those would have been her only choices at the time.

That is a choice that is often made on these fragile streets. While the women clutch their purses tightly to make sure they are not taken, the men clutch their wallets. So much time and energy is spent controlling and protecting our futures (or so we think). We buy insurance to have assurance that the poor widows fate could never happen to us. I bet the folk who bought insurance for there houses in New Orleans have a story to tell about how all of our preparing cannot protect our precious things or guarantee that our insurance will be honored. I confess that I too am working towards preparing for my future – I am a member of Thrivent Financial for Lutherans (and not just because they support the Welcome Ministry).

We are not asked to prepare for our own futures. We are not asked to prepare for the future of the church. We are not asked to prepare for next years budget. We are asked to prepare the way of GOD(DESS)!
The streets are cold and cruel, the sun is hot. There are few places to rest and my yoke is heavy. As a “missionary to the poor in San Francisco,” as I am called at St. Francis, a “curate with the poor” as I am called at Christ church, I am indeed being with the poor and living the life of a missionary. I do not seek to bring the Gospel to people who do not know God(dess). I seek to affirm the God(dess) that is already with them. To help them to speak the Gospel that they already know. To remind them that they are God(dess)’s beloved. To remind us all that we are all human (saint and sinner) and that we are all dust. I seek to love and be loved (the greatest commandment). Today I think of the words of Maya Angelou who said that: "Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope."

Prayers:
Today I remember the birthday of Jen Rude who is a member of the ECP Roster awaiting call and I pray for all of the members of the ECP who are without call. I pray for those who have ministry jobs and are sometimes even called pastors, but the churches they work at refuse to extend them a call and ordain them. I pray for those pastors on the ECP roster who have to work 2nd and 3rd jobs in order to keep the doors of their church open. I pray for those churches who could no longer afford a male pastor, so they looked at hiring a woman. When they could not afford to call a female pastor they looked into calling an ECP pastor.

Perhaps it is the pastors without a call that are the true homeless pastors.

Franciscan Benediction (originally posted at National Council of Churches) and found on the street during my retreat - I added the (dess) for my friends at herchurch.org who called me. I know that the Goddess is not used to being in parenthesis, but I do it in the Spirit of welcoming those whose understanding of God is masculine:

May God(dess) bless you with discomfort at:
Easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships—
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God(dess) bless you with anger at:
Injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God(dess) bless you with tears to shed:
For those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

May God(dess) bless you with enough foolishness
to believe that you can make a difference in this world;
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done. AMEN

Where Neither Moth nor Rust Consumes : Sunday, March 11th

2007-03-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

Reflections:

On Saturday morning I began my day with two 4 year olds making a fort out of discarded cardboard. Twelve hours later I was using discarded cardboard to build myself an urban camping fort, to make sure that my sleeping bag was protected from the dew of the morning and to give my tired back a small cushion. I slept behind First Unitarian (a church affiliated with the Welcome Ministry) under a tree next to the busy traffic, trying to sleep as the noisy buses ran every 20 minutes through out the whole night.

Unfortunately I didn’t sleep much since the food I had consumed at the airport on my way back to San Francisco made me sick. While it normally takes me a couple of days on street retreat to realize that I am not in control, my body left no room for me to wonder who was in control. It wasn’t me. It was my stomach. Sometime in the middle of the night my body got rid of what was offending it. This morning, it got rid of the rest.

Living on the streets there is a different rhythm to life. Instead of waking up to the alarm clock or hitting snooze, I got up with the sun hoping to get my space cleaned up before the police could come. There are no trespassing signs in each of the windows of the church where we are sleeping, so we could get a ticket or taken to jail at anytime for sleeping there. We sleep there in protest of the signs. What would it mean if their former minister of justice ministry, a nun and I got arrested for sleeping in front of the church? Why should it matter more that it is us then anyone of the other creations that God has made?

The laws about sleeping on the streets in San Francisco are much more foolish than my retreat. The city has been sued in court by the ACLU five times (and lost every time), because the right to assemble has been ruled to mean that you can assemble on the sidewalk and sleep there. So, many silly laws have been created to try to chip away at this right to assemble. For example: its’ illegal to sleep in your car, but not illegal to sleep on the sidewalk in front of your car; and it’s legal to sleep on the sidewalk, but not legal to block the cold wind.

Last night I was grateful that I had the ability to sleep under the no trespassing sign undisturbed (except by the frailties of my own body). If we would have gone across the street to St Mark’s (ELCA), we would have been moved by the night guard that patrols the outside of the church.

I don’t have it all figured out yet. I know that it is important to keep churches safe sanctuaries, just as it is important to care for the least among us.

I am thinking deeply about the experience of wondering in this wilderness of the Tenderloin during Lent. I only have my few scraps of cardboard and a sleeping bag, during the Exodus they had tents. Jesus even had tents when he and the disciples were in the wilderness. Peter offered to put up three when Elijah and Moses showed up. Yet, now the urban church is anti-nomads. We put lots of locks and security on our doors. We push away those who sleep in the wilderness (even during the time of Lenten alms giving!), even those who don’t even have a tent to sleep under.

What does it all mean? I’m not sure yet, but I will continue to walk with the questions, remembering the words of Jesus as recorded by Matthew (6:19-21): "‘Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Prayers:

Today I remember in prayer all of the queer individuals and "throwaways" who have fled unjust, un-supporting and unkind families, communities and churches to come to the city of St. Francis in hopes that in this city known for it's queerness that they would be made welcome here. I pray for those who found a much harsher reality. Some found that they were only visible as long as they were beautiful, young, sexually available, high, tweaked, employed, able to pay or for sale. Some found they could not be employed during or after their transition. Some found that the value of property is sometimes more important then the value of community. Some found that they were stuck in the muck and mire that surrounded the webs of injustice that held them fast.

I pray as the Maccabean mothers prayed wailing for the destruction of it all. I pray to remind God(dess) of God(dess) promises. I pray for justice. I pray for peace. I pray for health (mine own and for all who are sick, afflicted or addicted). I pray that as I am on these streets, and when I move back home that I may be part of the unloosing, the unbinding, the re-orienting of the world toward the kin-dom of God(dess). AMEN

Prepare the Way: Thursday, March 8th

2007-03-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

Reflections:

I am currently in Dubuque, Iowa where I will be presiding at a wedding for one of my close friends from college. Immediately when I return from Iowa I will begin my street retreat and begin living on the streets. I am already beginning to think about the stark contrast in climate and landscape that awaits me. From one wilderness experience to another. This one is a cold and snowy tundra of rugged land, the Tenderloin is a rugged tundra of a more internal nature. This is one reason that the my internal journey is so important on this retreat. As we walk the streets, as faithful fools, we continually ask ourselves: What holds us separate? What keeps us separated? As I walk these streets, what still connects me? As we repeat this mantra, we notice what we can.

Today I am noticing that I am starkly aware of all those who are worried about my safety while I am on the streets. Knowing that there are others, beyond just my mother and my grandmother, that worry about me speaks to me. What are they afraid of? If I were in my condo tonight I would be guarded by a security guard and locks on my door. That protects me from the cold unknown, but not from death, natural disaster, or other unknowns that I cannot be in control of. While I always know that I am not in control - God(dess) is - on the streets I am even more aware of how little control I have.

I know why people are worried about me. I even know that it may be a symbol of my youth that I am not afraid. But, I am not afraid of this swirling chaos called life. I am a faithful fool. I wonder how many other families are worried tonight for their loved ones that are living on the sidewalks, in cars or on the margins of life - their retreat is likely to have been more than seven days?

On Saturday, as I lay down to sleep in a sleeping bag on a thin bit of cardboard (which cuts the chill of the concrete), I will try to let go of all that separates me from God(dess)'s creation, from my neighbor and from God(dess). and I will remember Sogyai Rinpoche's saying: "Although we have been made to believe that if we let go we will end up with nothing, life itself reveals again and again the opposite; that letting go is the path to real freedom."

Prayers for my first day on retreat (Saturday, March 10th):

Today I remember the feast day of St. Anastasia the Patrician (aka Anastasios), or "of Constantinople" (According to the Orthodox and Old Roman Calendar). Anastasia was a female born ascetic who wore male monastic habits. Anastasia fled the advances of the emperor Justinian by hiding in the Egyptian desert as the monk Anastasios or St. Matrona of Perge. Anastasios' birth sex was uncovered when Anastasios' earlobes were found to be pierced. Many of the trans/gender queer saints have been erased from modern saints calendars, even though many of them became saints particularly because of their trans/gender queer status.

I thank God(dess) for Anastasios and for my own gender queerness. I pray for all my trans-kin and celebrate their willingness to walk between the lines of gender, to transform themselves and their communities and to claim their new names and pronouns just as God(dess) claimed them in their baptism. I also pray for all the transfolk living on the streets, since even in the welcoming city of St. Francis only about 3% of the transitioned folk surveyed are employed. I also give thanks for all the transitions in life that we celebrate and send special prayers for the new partnership between LLGM, the ECP and the ECP roster whose transition team is now beginning its work. AMEN.

The Homeless, Homeless Pastor

2007-02-24T19:54:00.000-08:00

By the Rev. Megan Rohrer

This year, as I have done in years past, I will be living on the streets for seven days and seven nights with members of the Faithful Fools. Why would I want to go and sleep on the streets with the homeless, when I have a condo a few blocks away and a very comfy bed? Well, like the group I am going out with, it’s a bit about faith and a bit about being foolish.

In the first chapter of Corinthians, Paul declares that the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of humans. It could be said that Jesus’ commitment to the poor (especially in the Gospel of Luke), his eating with the tax collectors and sex workers and his own life as a homeless nomad, was/is as foolish as it was/is faithful.

Some would also say that it takes a strange mix of foolish and faithful to continue to long for the day when pain and suffering ends and all people are able to eat together at one banquet table. Yet, I/we continue to work diligently for an end to poverty and hunger.

How can living on the streets possibly make a difference? While I cannot truly know what it feels like to live on the streets, since I know I have a warm bed and an adorable cat to come home to, I do find that living on the streets helps me to gain a deeper bodily empathy for the homeless and hungry that I am in ministry with. Also, in utilizing the services that I often refer the homeless too, I get a chance to learn about the changes in other social service agencies.

But more importantly, I get a chance to be vulnerable. As a leader in the church, I spend a lot of my time creating safe space for others to be vulnerable, to grow and to deeply engage with God. Living on the streets is a way for me to intentionally strip away the comforts of my life and get to what is real. That is what the Lenten journey is about after all; stripping away the many layers of things that have distracted us so that we can re-orient our lives towards God.

So, please join me on my journey. Don’t worry; you don’t have to sleep on the cold hard concrete with me. Please send me your prayers through email or the postal mail that I can take with me on my retreat, so that I can take you with me and pray for you. Please pray for me March 10-17^th while I am sleeping on the sidewalk and read my daily blog reflections. And if you are blessed not to know anyone who is homeless, perhaps you will get to know how it feels to know that someone you care about is homeless. Thanks for taking this Lenten journey with me.

P.S. On my street retreat we follow the model of Bernie Glassman in Bearing Witness. The book chronicles Glassman’s experiences on retreats on the streets of New York and in the concentration camps in Germany. As a part of my preparation for this retreat I am required to beg. And while I often beg for money in the church calling it offering or stewardship, this begging will be how I live on the streets. I beg to raise the money to go on the retreat. I beg if I need to buy something while I’m living on the streets. And I have already been begging for your prayers. And while I am begging, I will also beg you to support LLGM. The support of LLGM means that the homeless in San Francisco can have a pastor who is willing to live with them, worship with them and advocate with them through the Welcome Ministry. The support, mission and history of LLGM made it possible for me to be ordained and fulfill my life’s calling. Thank you to LLGM and all of you who support LLGM for giving me the privilege to be a homeless, homeless pastor!

Blessings.

You can mail your contribution to LLGM to: LLGM; 152 Church Street; San Francisco, CA 94114. Write “Pastor Megan’s Blog” in the memo of your check. All contributions will go to support the mission of LLGM.